Our Choices
by can-i-help
Summary: Set after the whole Oliver thing but takes a whole new look at it, It is slightly different ending. Don’t read this if you don’t like angst stuff, cause this is very angsty. It's rated for language and disturbing visual images, and thoughts of suicide.
1. The Beginning of the End

A/N 

Hey everyone...this is my second Fanfic and my first OC one so be nice. I'll try my best and I want good feedback from you guys ok? Well on with the story right? Our Choices

Disclaimer

I do not own any characters that are in this Fanfic. They belong to the people with the rights for The OC. (lucky bastards) Oh and I did take some of the lines from the end of the scene with Oliver not my righting it's from the writers of the OC.

Summary

Hardcore Angst, Set after the whole Oliver thing, but Oliver ends up shooting himself, and the whole Ryan Marissa thing goes completely outa whack. Summer and Seth try to help but Ryan, is well hard on himself. The Cohen's try their best and well Its all up to Ryan... (Rated for language, and heart wrenching Angst.)

Chapter One: The Beginning of the End.

"Oliver put the gun down man." Ryan says calmly as he can.

"Why man, I'm doing you a favor." Oliver says with certain distaste in his voice.

"Why would you wanna do that you hate me...that's right if you do this you wont hurt me you'll hurt Marissa the one person that cares about you, an I know you don't wanna do that...Oliver put the gun down man" Ryan says slightly moving forward.

"You don't know anything about me man." Oliver retorts.

"I know what its like to be abandoned by your parents, your friends...an have no one in your life who believes in youbut you put the gun down you get a second chance." Ryan said with earnest.

"You should know by now...I've had my share of second chances." Oliver says with more hate in his voice.

"Well now I'm offering you another one." Ryan said again moving forward.

"Don't move man!" Oliver said tears starting to flow. The gun moves towards his temple.

"Ok, ok not moving. Just put the gun down..." Ryan says, not moving an inch.

"Why? So I can be shipped off to some mental institution and never see the light of day again?" Oliver spat.

"I donno Oliver, just put the gun down so we can talk..." Ryan said desperation in his voice.

"I'm not stupid; I won't see anyone but a shrink for the next four years!" Oliver yelled back, he cocked the gun and returned it back to his temple. "I...I won't see the only one, who ever got me...understood me...The only thing in this world I love!" The blast sounded along with creams from Marisa and Natalie. Marisa ran straight to Ryan, but he stepped back. She just looked at him, both eyes locked on each other; she could see something in his eyes.

Slowly he turned and walked out slowly. Sandy watched him go, and then looked at Marisa, who then ran from the room. As she reached him the elevator doors closed. Sobbing she whack the doors with the palms of her hand. Drenching herself in her tears she sat scrunched up in a ball, her head down. Sandy came and found her, she looked up at him her eyes red and her mascara running.

"Let's get out of here, ok?" Sandy said standing her up. Marissa just nodded tears still falling from her eyes.

The elevator ride seemed to last an eternity, Sandy tried as hard as he could to console her. The drive was filled with a deafening silence. Finally he pulled up to jimmy's place. Marisa let them in and she went straight to her room, Jimmy got up from the couch and started to follow her, but Sandy stops him when he starts up the stairs.

"Jimmy you might want to sit down..." Sandy said pulling him towards the dinner table. They both sat at opposite sides of the table.

"Oliver is dead," sandy said bluntly.

"H-h-how?" Jimmy asked shocked.

"Suicide, Marisa is very shaken up, apparently he was obsessed with her, he held her hostage with a gun, and when Ryan tried to talk him down he ended up shooting himself." Sandy explained with sincerity.

"Where's Ryan?" Jimmy asked after a while.

"I'm not sure, he took off straight after, and he didn't even hug Marisa. I know this is a lot to take in with the lighthouse as well, but Marisa will need you in one piece."

"Yeah, sure I know, shouldn't you go back to your family, they should know." Jimmy said while running his hands through his hair.

"Yes, I should try and talk to her a little, she needs you more now than ever." Sandy said getting up. He made his way to the door.

"Thanks Sandy, for bringing her home." Jimmy said.

"Don't mention it, the police might want to talk to her, but tell them try tomorrow at least." Sandy said as he left.

Sandy walked sluggishly up his front steps; he couldn't get the sound out of his head, and the picture of Oliver's limp lifeless body. Slowly he pushed opened the door and stepped in shutting it behind him. Kirsten came out of the kitchen and when she saw his face she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Where's Ryan?" She asked.

"I donno..." Sandy said bleakly.

"Sandy what happened?" Kirsten asked full of worry.

"Oliver shot himself...and Ryan was right, he was obsessed with Marisa. Then he took off, just walked away." Sandy said looking at the floor.

"Oh, Sandy..." Kirsten said pulling him into a hug.

"Come on, enough with the public displays of affection, not like someone died." Seth said with Anna at his side. His folks looked at him.

"Oliver shot himself, and Ryan took off..." sandy said bluntly.

"Oh god..." Seth said now holing a shocked Anna.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan walked from the hospital, in the direction of the beach, his back was hunched and he walked at a brisk pace. He was running things over in his head. _Oliver's Dead, so I was right...but no one trusted me, or believed me_ and he had no idea about how he should feel about Marisa. He walked and walked, finally reaching a beach, after what seemed like hours he sat alone on the dark beach. The crashing waves drowned out the sound of the gun he heard in his head. He kept replaying the events in his head; he couldn't stop seeing Oliver's dead body falling to the ground.

He didn't know what to think, the Cohen's, he knew they loved him but they didn't trust him, they didn't believe him when he knew he was right. He had put them through so much ever since he had been taken in by them. Sure he had helped Seth but it didn't add up for all the pain he had caused. Slowly his thoughts put him to sleep, and the crashing of the waves lulled him.

He was woken up when someone was shaking him.

"Hey kid you can't sleep here...kid wake up!" a man yelled. When Ryan opened his eyes he realized it was a cop.

"Oh, sorry, must have dosed off," Ryan said sleepily.

"Come on, lets go." The cop said hauling him up.

"Your not arresting me are you?" Ryan asked tentatively.

"Nah kid, I'll let you off but don't let me catch you around her again you hear." The cop said with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks." Ryan said.

"You need a lift home kid?" The cop asked. Ryan looked around and realized he kinda knew where he was, it would be a long walk back to the Cohen's but he didn't mind.

"No, thank you, I can walk from here." Ryan said.

"Ok, stay outta trouble kid." The cop said walking off.

Ryan trudged up to the road and made his way along the road.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kirsten was beside herself, the pool house was empty and the bed hadn't been slept in, and the anticipation of the valentine dance was putting her on edge. She made her way back to the kitchen and got some coffee, Sandy was there as well.

"No bows and arrows this year?" Sandy asked lightly. Kirsten gave him a look that said it all.

"Sandy, Ryan didn't come home last night. Who knows where he ended up?" She said worried.

"Ok, I'll go out and look for him." Sandy said putting down his coffee.

"Thank you." Kirsten said kissing Sandy.

Sandy left quickly, but Seth saw him leaving.

"Hey. Where's dad off too?" Seth asked.

"He went to look for Ryan; he didn't come home last night." Kirsten said with tiered eyes. "Oh Happy Valentines Day!" Kirsten said slightly more happy.

"Mum, Valentines day...not a real holiday." Seth said.

"Don't you start with me." Kirsten said taking a sip of Coffee.

- - - - - - -

Sandy drove around Newport for about an hour when he decided he would double back. Suddenly he saw Ryan trudging up the road in the direction of the house. He pulled up beside him and rolled down the window.

"Get in I'll drive you home." Sandy said.

"I don't mind walking..." Ryan said deadpan.

"Your ganna have to face us sometime, come on, just get in." Sandy said moving at Ryan's pace. Reluctantly Ryan got in. Neither of them spoke on the way back

Sandy pulled up to the front door, and Ryan got out of the car.

"I'm ganna take a shower..." he said bluntly. He took a detour around the back and went straight into the pool house. Grabbing some clean cloths he made his way into the bath room, locking the door behind him. He turned on the shower and jumped underneath the warm spray of water. He leaned forward so the water cascaded down his back. He slammed his fist against the wall; a tear fell from his eyes. _DON'T FUCKING CRY ATWOOD_ the words wrung in his mind, but he couldn't stop the shower drowned the sounds of his tears so he cried, in his own time the pain fell from his eyes. After an hour or so he dried up and got dressed when he opened the bathroom door steam rolled out of the door. He looked around and saw Kirsten and Sandy sitting in chairs sipping coffee. Ryan looked at the floor and attached his watch to his wrists.

"Ryan I think we should talk..." Sandy said.

"About what? No one believed me when I said that Oliver was bad news, why talk about anything, you guys don't trust me that's obvious." Ryan said no anger just pain in his voice.

"Your suspensions been lifted." Kirsten said hoping for a positive sway in the conversation.

"Great and all it took was one suicide victim." Ryan said annoyance in his voice.

"What's going to happen between you and Marisa?" Sandy probed.

"I donno, can we not talk about this?" Ryan said.

"Ryan you have to let us in, you can take Marisa to the valentine gala tomorrow." Sandy said.

"Nah, I don't think I will, I'll go if you want me too, but I don't think I can go with Marisa, I don't think she would want to go anyway." Ryan said trying to get out of it.

"I'd love it if you could come," Kirsten said.

"If you guys don't mind I need to catch up on some sleep..." Ryan said nervously.

"Yeah sure, we have...the thing anyway so let's go..." Sandy said getting up. They both left and Ryan collapsed on his bed.

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A/N

Well how was that...please be nice it's my first OC fic as I said....and Please review. I'm sorry for any stupid spelling errors or grammar errors; I've been very tiered lately. Well I hope to get your reviews or suggestions! Sorry it's soo short the other chapters will be longer...I hope.


	2. The Conversation

A/N

Thanks for those of you who reviewed my work, the positive feedback is good, it makes me want to get the story out to you guys way quicker. Ohhh and if your looking for a disclaimer or a summary they only come at the very beginning no use repeating myself right?? Well here is the next chapter...I hope you like it. Ohhh by the way there may be a few lines taken from the real OC cause I'm like replacing there episodes, and trying to keep to the basic plot line.

Chapter Two: The Conversation.

When Ryan woke up he saw Seth sitting in the chair in front of him. He sat up and Seth looked up at him.

"What time is it?" Ryan asked breaking the silence.

"Around 11, I think..." Seth said uneasily.

"Seth are you Ok?" Ryan said his hands running through his unkempt hair.

"I'm sorry man; since you have been here you've had my back...and the one time you needed me to get yours, I turned my back." Seth said trying to look at Ryan.

"Don't worry about it, no one else believed me, why should you?" Ryan said calmly.

"Because were like brothers now man, from now on I have your back..." Seth said.

"You really don't have to..." Ryan said hesitantly.

"I want to..." Seth said quickly, they sat there in an awkward silence.

"So...how are things with you and Anna?" Ryan asked slowly breaking the silence again.

"Non-existent, I think...we kinda broke up..." Seth said sadly.

"Why'd she break up with you?" Ryan asked.

"Why do you assume she broke up with me?" Seth said defensively.

"Seth come on..." Ryan said giving Seth a look.

"Fine, when dad got home and told us...about Oliver...I wanted to call Summer and tell her Marisa was ok...then Anna wanted to leave then I think she broke up with me." Seth explained.

"Ahh, not that I don't enjoy the whole Seth-Ryan time...but aren't we missing school?" Ryan asked getting out of bed.

"Ohhh yeah we can grab some lunch and then mm will drive us down..." Seth said. "That's why I was in here, I was about to wake you."

"Well, ill grab a shower and we'll go ok..." Ryan said walking towards the bathroom, silently Seth left.

Ryan trudged down to the kitchen in some clean clothes and his school bag. When he got in he saw Sandy Kirsten and Seth drinking coffee.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Kirsten asked, handing Ryan a cup of coffee.

"Better, but still shaken from the whole...incident." Ryan said taking a sip.

"You could take the day off, I'm sure Dr. Kim would understand." Sandy said.

"No, no it's fine." Ryan replied.

"Well to take your mind off recent events you should come to the Valentines Day singles gala tomorrow. Every one will be there it will be some much needed fun." Kirsten said a little over excited.

"Sure, I guess....can we go?" Ryan asked not looking up from his coffee.

"Sure, come on." Kirsten said. They left quickly and pulled up to Harbor twenty minuets before the next class was due to start.

"Thanks Kirsten..." Ryan said, shutting the car door.

"Don't worry about it. Call me if you guys want a lift back." Kirsten said.

"Sure thing mother." Seth said. Kirsten just shook her head and drove off.

Ryan and Seth walked silently to their lockers and got out their books, they walked to the lounge area, and Seth saw Summer playing a Pac Man game.

"Hey Summer..." Seth said uneasily.

"God Cohen you made me lose." She said as the game sounded her defeat.

"Hey, so tomorrows Valentines Day." Seth said with hope in his voice

"Don't remind me...what are you and Anna doing?" Summer asked annoyed.

"Anna is in Pittsburg..." Seth said with little sadness

"On valentines day, that's commitment for you." Summer said turning to Seth.

"We kinda broke up, so I was wondering if you would go with me to this gala..." Seth said quickly.

"Let me get this straight, Anna dumps you and you come running to me, thinking I will take you back." Summer summarized smugly.

"Yeah, well no, kinda, if you let me explain." Seth said desperately.

"No, I don't wanna end up like Coop, she's all crying over boys so not what I want." Summer said leaving quickly.

Ryan was walking to class when he bumped into Luke.

"Hey, I didn't think you'd come today after...everything" Luke said.

"No, well I needed something to do..." Ryan said.

"Yeah man, if you need anything..." Luke said.

"Yeah sure, I'm late soo." Ryan said

"Yeah sure, ill see you later..." Luke said, as Ryan pushed passed him.

- - - - - -

The next morning Ryan and Kirsten set out for the Valentine day gala. Ryan starts help setting up when he nearly collideds with a try of glasses.

"Whoa, whoa hey sorry..." Ryan said, as the waitress lowered her try he realized it was Theresa.

"Ryan..." Theresa says with a smile.

"Theresa uh what are- uh Hi" Ryan stuttered.

"You always had a way with words." She quipped.

"Are you uh you working here?" Ryan asked

"Yeah I figured what better way to celebrate Valentines Day then serve pâté to a bunch of rich people." Theresa joked. Ryan doesn't say anything, "oh, these are your friends an neighbors, sorry"

"It's good to see you..." Ryan said breaking the silence. They smile at each other and decided to go outside and talk. The topic changes to how Ryan is and he fills her in on the whole Oliver situation.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Summer lay on her bed watching The Valley. Suddenly there was a knock at her door.

"I'm...studying...naked." Summer yells.

"Is that supposed to keep me away?" a voice yells from the other side.

"Cohen?" Summer asks getting up, she opens the door, "you're at my house, why?"

"Because we have to talk." Seth says walking into her room. "Who is this?" Seth asks holding up a plastic horse.

"Princess Sparkle, what do we have to talk about!?" Summer says snatching the horse from Seth's grasp.

"Before you kill me, or kick me out...I just want you to know that the reason me an Anna broke up is well, it's not like I'm picking you right now, I've always wanted you, and I have tried to deny it, but I cant anymore. We broke up because inside I did pick you." Seth said looking in her eyes. Summer is swept up in the confession that she pulls him into a large kiss. She proceeds to push him on the bed.

"Do you have..." Summer asks between kisses.

"My wallet..." says Seth.

"Your about to get lucky Cohen..." Summer says, she sits up and removes her top.

"Yes Summer what ever you say, yes, yes." Seth says star struck.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan and Theresa are talking on the steps when Marisa gets out of a car in front of them.

"Hey..." She says as she gets out. Ryan just looks down. Marisa quickly walks inside on the verge of tears.

"I should get back to work..." Theresa says walking inside. Ryan is left alone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan steps out of the shower and raps a towel around his waist. Stepping out of the bathroom, he sees Marisa sitting in one of the wicker chairs.

"What are you doing here?" He asks her as he goes to get into his suite. Marisa runs to him and flings her arms around him and tries to kiss him. When he avoids the kiss she looks hurt.

"I'm so sorry I just want to take it all back, I should have believed you." Marisa says sadly.

"Yeah, but you didn't." Ryan says. Marisa pretends not to hear.

"I just love you so much," suddenly she forces a kiss to his lips, and her hands run down his nearly naked body. Ryan suddenly fells very naked and steps away.

"We can't..." he says.

"You don't want to?" She asks disappointed.

"No, well yeah, but its all too soon." Ryan said clutching his towel.

"Cant we go back to how it was?" Marisa asks.

"I donno..." Ryan says looking at the ground. "You should go.." Ryan says.

"Yeah, maybe I'll see you at the gala..." Marisa says leaving.

"Maybe..." Ryan whispers. He breaths deeply and puts on his suit.

Ryan is adjusting his tie when Seth comes in.

"Ryan man I have big news!" Seth said excitedly. Ryan looks at Seth waiting to hear what he has to say. "I had sex with a girl...Summer to be exact!"

"How was it?" Ryan asked impressed.

"I had sex..." Seth whispers excitedly.

"That bad huh?" Ryan says.

"Yeah, well it was like some sort pf weird, awkward fish sex. I had no clue what I was doing..."Seth explains.

"Firstly I wouldn't call it fish sex ever again." Ryan says.

"Good, give me some pointers man..." Seth says.

"Do it again..." Ryan says walking outside.

"Sure..." Seth says unconfidently to himself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Seth and Ryan stood alone at the party not talking to anyone. Suddenly a waitress came up to them.

"What would you like boys?" She asked very colloquially, offering them some _hors d'oeuvres_

"Seth this is Theresa." Ryan says introducing them.

"Hi" they both say shaking hands.

Marisa and Summer watch from above.

"That's her..." Marisa says.

"She's hot." Summer exclaims, Marisa just looks at her. "For Chino." She adds.

"No, no she's beautiful. God how can I compete with that, I mean they did musicals together..." Marisa says sadness in her voice.

"Don't worry Coop, I'm surprised you came, what with the whole Oliver thing. Wait Ryan did musicals." Summer said.

"Yeah, I only came too..." Marisa starts

"Spy." summer says finishing her sentence.

"Come on Coop lets get a drink..." Summer suggests.

Ryan sits alone at a table sipping some water. Marisa walks up to him.

"Hey, can't we just start over?" She says awkwardly.

"Start over?" Ryan asks skeptically.

"Hi, I'm Marisa, you go to Harbor right?" She says with little happiness in her voice.

"I get what you're trying to do, but we can't, I can't, sorry..." Ryan says getting up, he quickly leaves. Marisa sits down tears coming up again.

Ryan stands on the steps and sees Theresa.

"You're not working." Ryan asks.

"I'm done till they need me to clean up..." She explains.

"You wanna get out of here?" He asks.

As they drive off Summer and Marisa see them. Ryan and Theresa decide to go to the Pool house, they are talking about old times and catching up when Theresa decides she better be getting back. She leaves and Ryan changes into more comfortable clothing, he sits down and starts to read a book. Suddenly Marisa burst in.

"Where is she?!" She yells.

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asks puzzled.

"Theresa! If she's here I want her to know I'm not giving you up with out a fight." She says defiantly.

"Theresa left a while ago..." Ryan says standing.

"Ryan I'm so sorry, I just want to take the whole thing back, be like we were." Marisa says, "can you ever forgive me?" She asks.

"No." Ryan says, in one word he had gone against everything, he didn't know why he had said it so bluntly, but it was the truth. Marisa steps back and looks at him, he then looks at the floor.

"So it's over how can it be over?" Marisa asks

"Because look how easy it was for one person to rip us apart. We can't do this." Ryan says stepping away from her. She turns and leaves tears falling from her eyes. He just closes his door and then sits down on his bed head in his hands. Suddenly the door opens again.

"Hey, Ryan is everything ok? Marisa just left crying?" It was Sandy.

"Yeah, no it's fine." Ryan said sitting up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sandy asked sitting down. Ryan gives Sandy a look.

"Do we have to have this conversation now?" Ryan asks annoyed.

"When else are we going to have it? You don't talk to us, you have to lets us in, so we don't know what's going on. Ryan come on, you have to let us in." Sandy pleaded.

"I...can't not now..." Ryan said standing.

"Then when Ryan? You tell me, when are you ever going to be ready?" Sandy pushed.

"I donno, can't this wait?" Ryan asked.

"I think you should see a therapist." Sandy said, the words even surprised him as he said them. Ryan stared at him shock in his eyes.

"No, I don't want to see a shrink!" Ryan said

"It's not about what you want, as your legal guardian I could force you to go." Sandy said standing. "What else can we do, you don't talk to us, Oliver has just killed himself and you don't want to talk to us, you never have wanted to talk to us."

"Why should I bother..." Ryan said angrily.

"Because we love you god dam it!" Sandy said his voice rising.

"Why? I've caused nothing but pain since I got here! I burned down a house; I've got into fights, and everything else! Why love me, you don't trust me!" Ryan spat.

"Because you're our Son!" Sandy yelled.

"But I'm not your Son!" Ryan screamed back, as he did so Kirsten came in. Both men turned and looked at her, the hurt in her face. She turned and quickly ran back to the house. Ryan was on the verge of tears and Sandy ran after his wife.

Kirsten ran into her room, to find it filled with rose petals and candles.

"Happy Valentines day." Sandy said from behind her. She coughed back some tears and hugged her husband.

Ryan worked quickly he always did. He shoved his clothes into his bag, and quickly ran from the pool house; he jumped on his bike and road away from the Cohen's house.

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A/N

Sorry I know that was lot from the actual OC but I am now pushing away from it, every so often there will be a conversation from the OC but yeah. Ahh, well please review it the more you review the faster the chapters come out. I'm sorry for any spelling errors of grammar errors, I do these quickly because my mind is on over drive and I don't have that much time to re-read them.


	3. The Attempt

A/N

Hi everyone…I thank you for all your reviews, however short they always mean the world to me. I'm sorry to say that I did lose a reader due to the fact of my lack of proof reading and that makes me disappointed. I know that reader won't be reading this, but I will try and work on my spelling and grammar etc. I have never been great with those

MUST READ…

Like I said at the end of the chapter I will be moving away from the plot line from the OC and trying to follow my own. But I will stick to some of the same things. Please bear with me as I have school work I need to do and I don't have a heap of time for my Fanfic, but I try and put in as much time as I can. I making an apology for any time errors I make, like dates in the show, I'm not so good with them, just try and bear with me. Ohhh, and I think I may end up cutting a whole lot of the parental Sandy Caleb, and Kirsten stuff. My focus is just the "kids".

Chapter Three: The Attempt.

The Sunday morning sun rose and shone over the Cohen household. Seth awoke with a smile on his face, he and Summer had found their peace, and they'd danced all night before she left. He walked briskly down to breakfast. The Kitchen was empty; he shrugged it off and made himself a cup of coffee. He flipped through the Newspaper while he sipped his morning kick start. As he poured himself his second sup his father came in.

"Morning dad, and a fine morning if I do say so myself." Seth said chipper. His father gave him a look and Seth got a little worried. "What happened?" Seth asked slightly worried.

"I had an argument with Ryan last night; I think I was a bit rough on him." Sandy said full of worry. "I'm ganna bring him a bagel and some coffee.

"I have said this before; when Ryan wants to talk he'll come to you…" Seth said trying to comfort his father. "Besides, I want to talk to him." Seth said poring another cup of coffee, he left with the two cups and knocked on the door, when he got no answer he spoke.

"Hey man, I hope your decent cause I'm coming in." he pushed open the door only to find it empty. The bed sheets were ruffled but it didn't really look like someone had slept in it. He set Ryan's coffee down and went to look in the bathroom, empty. Seth sipped his own coffee and look at one of the draws of Ryan cloths. _He wouldn't…would he?_ Seth thought to himself. Slowly he walked to the draws and opened it very slowly, empty. His hands went limp and the coffee mug came crashing down, he jumped back, fighting back tears. Sandy came quickly in.

"I heard…" Sandy started but when he saw Seth leaning against the draws fighting back tears he stopped dead in his tracks. Seth violently flung an empty draw at his father, who deflected it, but then he through another and another till there were no more to throw. Tears welling in his eyes he ran quickly back to his room. He flung himself on his bed and pulled saw Captain Oats staring at him from his bed side dresser.

"I guess he didn't really like it here, hey Captain Oats you'll never leave me right? ...nah I didn't think so, I mean were you ganna go?" Seth said to himself.

Sandy didn't know what to think; he ran after Seth but stopped when he saw his wife.

"Sandy what's going on?" She asked tiredly. Her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep.

"Ryan, he…he's gone again." Sandy said sadly.

"No…" Kirsten said pushing past him, towards the pool house. But Sandy stopped her.

"There's nothing left…all his stuff is gone." Sandy said pulling his wife into a hug, she sobbed more and fell to her knees. He just held her while she let out her pain.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan rode his bike all night just riding; he got to a bus stop and decided the bike wasn't working for him. He had saved money from working he had some from presents, and he found some lying around, he grabbed it with the full intention of paying it back someday. When he was living in Chino, he had acquired a fake ID he hadn't told anyone about. Now his name was, Colin Sanders. He pulled up to the ticket box.

"Good morning Sir, how can I help you?" The ticket clerk asked happily.

"Ah…is there a bus leaving for Austin, Texas, soon?" Ryan asked nervously.

"There is a direct bus to…Texas but it doesn't leave till tomorrow." The clerk said.

"Umm, is there anything that leaves today that can connect me to Austin?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"Let me check…" She typed away at her computer for a few minuets. "There is a bus which leaves in two hours and goes to Nevada, then you can get a connecting bus to Austin…but…I know I shouldn't say this but the booking is late notice and its ganna be very pricy. I think you would be better off catching a plane." The girl whispers to Ryan.

"Thanks…" Ryan says leaving quickly. He pulled his bag over his shoulder and bikes in the direction of the airport. He reached it, his legs aching from the ride, and puts his bike in the bike racks. He walked into the airport and went to the ticket desk.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The desk clerk asked.

"When is the next flight to Austin?" Ryan asked. The clerked typed at his computer.

"Ahh, you just missed one the next one isn't till later tonight...at 7 o'clock."

"How much?" Ryan asked.

"$450" The clerk said. Ryan got out his wallet. "And I'll need to see some ID."

"Yeah…here." Ryan handed him the money and his fake ID.

"Thank you Mr. Sanders, your check in time is at 6:15pm. Will you be checking in any baggage? " The clerk said handing him his ticket and ID.

"Can I get a bike on?" Ryan asked.

"You can but it would require a fee of $200." The clerk informed Ryan.

"Oh never mind, Thank you anyway…" Ryan said. He put the ticket into his backpack and headed towards the bathroom; he took a piss and then splashed his face with water from the taps. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep; he figured he needed some sleep. He decided to wait outside the terminal, he wasn't aloud to go through the metal detectors yet so he decided to find a nice corner to sleep in. He sat alone in the corner and drifted off to a light sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kirsten sat in the kitchen dressed tears in her eyes; Sandy was on the phone with a Private detective he knew, he had already called the hospital and police station. Sandy hung up the phone and Seth walked in.

"Seth, how are you?" Sandy asked. Seth just ignores him and gets himself a cup of coffee. "Seth come on, you can't just ignore me…"

"Sure I can…you drove him out, now I have no real friends anymore…" Seth said, the cabinet was slammed shut by Sandy's hand.

"I didn't…it was…" Sandy tried to explain.

"An accident…hardly, he's gone now…I'm going out…" Seth said putting his coffee down. He picked up the car keys from the counter and left.

He pulled out of the drive way and drove to Summer's. He parked out front and jumped out. He walked up to the door; it was answered by a woman who seemed to wobble a little when she opened the door.

"Yes?" she asked impatiently. She took a sip of her drink, what looked like a long island tea.

"Is Summer home?" Seth asked taken aback.

"In her room." The woman said walking away from the door. Seth entered the house and made his way to Summer's room. He knocked on the door.

"Come In!" a voice yelled from the other side.

"Hey Summer…" Seth said glumly.

"Cohen? What's the matter?" Summer asked sitting up from her bed.

"Ryan's gone." He said hugging her.

"Like gone out for take out or gone, gone?" Summer asked slightly confused.

"Like run away gone, he and my dad had a fight last night and now he's gone. Nothing is left in his room; you wouldn't know he had ever been there." Seth said clinging to Summer.

"Oh god, Cohen…dose Marisa know?" She asked hesitantly.

"No, can we not, just lie down for a while?" Seth asked.

"Sure…" Summer said making room on her bed. They lay down and Summer put on some soft music.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"What are we going to do Sandy?" Kirsten asked sipping Seth's deserted coffee.

"Well, if someone sees him they call, so I think we could take a drive see if he's around." Sandy answered vaguely.

"You don't think he would…no." Kirsten just brushed her thoughts off.

"Would what?" Sandy asked intrigued.

"Go to one of the model homes…" Kirsten said tentatively.

"No, no, he learnt his lesson last time." Sandy said.

"I guess, I just don't know what to do." Kirsten said holding back tears.

"Let's just see if we can find him…" Sandy said.

"But what if we can't, what if he doesn't want us to find him. I guess we weren't ever enough for him…" Kirsten said looking at the floor.

"How can you say that, Ryan…he just doesn't know how to cope. He'll come back, he's a good kid." Sandy said trying to believe his own words.

"So you keep saying." Kirsten said.

"Let's go and look for him." Sandy said turning to leave, wordlessly Kirsten followed him.

Sandy and Kirsten drove around for an hour or so, looking…hoping. Seth stayed with Summer, he couldn't leave and she didn't want to leave him. They lay there listening to music and just holding each other.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Mummy why is there a boy sleeping in the corner?" A small girly voice asked. It jolted Ryan from his sleep; he looked around and realized I was about 5 O'clock.

"Sorry...she can be a bit impolite sometimes." A woman said sincerely to Ryan. "Come on now Dawn, let's go and get a snack." The woman said leading her daughter away. Ryan just sat there now awake, his eyes were sore and his back ached from his sleeping position. Suddenly the little girl was back.

"Hey Mister do you want an M n' M?" She asked holding out a packet of candy.

"No, its ok…thanks." Ryan said slightly shocked.

"Dawn! Stop annoying the nice young man!" her mother shouted from across the room.

"See ya mister." The girl said running off to her mother.

Ryan went to the bathroom and washed his face again hoping it would wake him up. He looked at his watch and saw it was 5:30. He had 45 minuets to kill. He grabbed something to eat and a soda and sat down and ate. When he had finished it was just getting to six O'clock. Ryan had been going over the idea of calling the Cohen's, he still wasn't sure. He walked in the direction of the payphones and picked up the receiver. He started dialing and hung up…then walked a little way from the phone and then he walked back to the phone, he did this three times before he dialed and placed all the money. It rung and rung. No one picked up from the other end. Suddenly it clicked and the answering machine picked up. _Hi you've rung Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth Cohen. If you would like to leave a message please speak after the tone._ Sandy's voice said.

"Ah, hi, it's me…ahhh, I'm sorry about everything…and I will pay you back for the money I took. Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself. And Seth…ahhh you'll be fine, at least now you have Summer now." Ryan said awkwardly.

"Flight 444 for Texas is now boarding." A voice said over loud speaker.

"I gotta go, I'm sorry for the things I have done…your better off without me." Ryan said and hung up. His head hung low Ryan made his way to the gate.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sandy and Kirsten were got in at 6:30, and realized there were two calls for them on the answering machine. Sandy pressed the button and Kirsten sat down.

"Hi, I was after Ryan…its Theresa, but if you could ask Ryan to give me a call at…" She gave the number and thanked them again then hung up. Both Sandy and Kirsten shared a look. Then the next message started playing

"Ah, hi, it's me…ahhh, I'm sorry about everything…and I will pay you back for the money I took. Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself. And Seth…ahhh you'll be fine, at least now you have Summer." The voice on the other end said, there was a pause and they could hear faintly. "Flight 444 for Texas is boarding now." Then Ryan came on again. "I gotta go, I'm sorry for the things I have done…your better off without me." There was a click and his voice was gone. Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other.

"Let's get to the airport. He might be there still." Sandy said. They both left quickly and sped down to the airport.

They burst into the airport and looked frantically around. They both ran to the cashier, who happened to be the same one Ryan had talked to.

"Have you seen this boy?" Kirsten asked quickly.

"Yes…ahhh Mr. Sanders I think his name was." The clerk informed.

"Is he still around?" Sandy asked slightly shocked at the name.

"Ahh, I'm afraid he will have bordered his flight by now, and it is taking off in a few minuets." The clerk said looking at his computer.

"Where is he flying?" Sandy asked.

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say…" the clerk said.

"Can you stop the plane?" Sandy asked.

"Not without sufficient reason." The clerk explained.

"Is a run-away good enough?" Sandy asked hastily.

"I'll see what I can do…" the clerk said picking up a phone. "Hi, this is Mark from the front desk, I have here the…" He looked up at Sand y and Kirsten. "Parents?" it was more a question to Sandy and Kirsten, the both nodded hesitantly. "…the Parents of a Mr. Sanders, a passenger on flight 444 to Texas. Apparently he is a run-away, I was wondering if you could delay the flight and get him off the plane." There was a pause and then he spoke again "umm, he should be in seat…24A…thank you." He hung up. "They are going to get him off now; he should only be a minuet or so." The clerk said. Sandy and Kirsten looked around.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan got on the plane, he was freaked out slightly, he had a thing for heights and now he would be cruising very high at a very fast speed. He found his seat and made himself comfortable. Someone shut an over head locker and the sound rung through his head, he couldn't get the sound of the gun out of his head. He sat back trying to clear his mind, and calm down, he had been sitting for a while now when he saw a flight attendant point at him. Two men in uniform came forward.

"Mr. Sanders?" one of them asked in a low voice.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked nervously.

"Come with us please." The other said. Ryan didn't want to object so he packed his stuff up and followed them. He didn't know what to think; they lead him out of the plane and out through the metal detectors. Then he saw them, Sandy and Kirsten; both looking tiered and exhausted. His gaze turned to the floor, he couldn't meet their eyes. _Great I'm even crap at trying to run-away…_ he thought to himself.

"Is this him M'am?" one of the guards asked.

"Yes…" Kirsten said holding back tears.

"Thank you officers, I'm sorry for your trouble." Sandy said formally.

"Don't worry about out it…" The two officers said walking off.

"Let's go home shall we?" Sandy said turning towards the front door. Silently Ryan followed. The Car ride back was completely silent. When back in the house Ryan trudged in. Kirsten went to hug Ryan but he just backed off and turned and walked to the pool house.

"Ryan, your not sleeping in the pool house tonight…" Sandy called out. Ryan stopped dead in his tracks. "You can sleep in the guest room."

Ryan turned around pushed passed the two; he walked up to the guest room and dropped his bag. He didn't feel like talking, he found a chair in the room and jammed it under the door handle into the room, _Just like Chino_, Ryan thought to himself. He walked into the bathroom splashed his face then, heaved his lunch into the toilet bowl, and sat back on the bathroom floor, his head spinning.

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A/N

Well how was that? Please review and again I apologies for any spelling or grammar errors that may occur. Well thank you to my loyal readers and I hope to hear from you!

Hey I was wondering if people knew the birthdays of Ryan, Seth, and everyone on the OC??? If you do could u put them in a Review?? That would be greatly appreciated


	4. The Mirror

A/N

Thanks for your reviews…I'm sorry if I screw around with the time line too much ok. I'm sorry if I get things wrong…tell me but I might not change them. If you have any suggestions please don't hesitate to tell me...

Chapter Four: The Mirror

Ryan lay alone in his bed, he had woken but it was only 5 O'clock. He had school today something he was not looking forward too. He decided to get up and leave early. He got up and took a quick shower then got dressed and clipped on his wrist band and watch. It was still too early for anyone to be up yet so he quietly made his way down and got some breakfast for himself. He took the last sip of coffee and started to leave. But decided to leave a note, he didn't want to freak anyone out.

_Gone to school early…need time to think…don't worry I will be back after school._

_Ryan._

He scribbled on a piece of paper and left on the kitchen bench. He walked outside and realized he had left his bike at the airport; he cursed under his breath and decided he would just have to walk. As he made his way down the driveway he heard a voice call out from behind him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sandy's yelled. Ryan ignored him and kept walking.

"Hey! Come back here." Sandy jogged down to meet Ryan face to face.

"I left a note." Ryan said looking at the ground.

"Ohhh, well if you left a note then fine go ahead and run off." Sandy said sarcastically.

"Not running, going to school." Ryan said still not looking up.

"At this hour?" Sandy asked skeptically, "Didn't know you loved school so much." Ryan just gave an impatient look at Sandy. "Ok, ok, but come inside and we will drive you later." Sandy said.

"I would prefer to walk." Ryan said, his eyes cast down.

"That I can see, but you're coming inside." Sandy said firmly.

"Not, right now, I cant right now…I just want to go to school." Ryan said stepping away from Sandy.

"Come on Ryan let's go back inside…" Sandy said stepping towards Ryan.

"I have to get to school…" Ryan said turning away from Sandy who reacted and grabbed Ryan's arm.

"We're not done yet Ryan." Sandy said sternly.

"Yes we are," Ryan said shrugging off Sandy's hand.

"Ryan talk to me…don't walk away from this." Sandy said his voice full of concern.

"I'll be home after school…" Ryan said walking down the driveway.

Sandy knew he couldn't do anything, but he also knew Ryan wasn't running off again. Sluggishly he made his way back into the house; Kirsten was waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Sandy what the happened out there?" She asked worried.

"Ryan's gone for school…" Sandy said.

"You let him go alone…this early…Sandy…" Kirsten said in disbelief.

"I know, he will be fine, he's not running off again." Sandy said tiredly.

"Who's running off again?" Seth asked as he made his way into the kitchen.

"No one running off Seth…" Sandy said.

"Your father let Ryan walk to school, alone." Kirsten said accusingly.

"Dad, is this true…what if he runs off again?" Seth asked.

"He wont." Sandy said bluntly.

"How do you know?" Seth asked worried.

"I know…" Sandy said looking out the window at the pool.

- - - - - - - -

Ryan walked slowly in the direction of the pier. He reached it, and figured he would have 20 minuets to kill before he would have to walk to school. He walked to a seat on the pier and sat down, his legs and head ached. His whole body was tiered; he wasn't sure how he was going to get through the day. He picked up a stone and through it into the water. Thoughts flow through his mind, and before he knew it he had to get going. He rose slowly and started his long walk to school. He got to the end of the pier and felt something twist in his stomach, his body contracted and he through up his breakfast, then started to dry heave. The pain burnt through his throat, and made his eyes water. He couldn't take it here. Slowly when the pain was left he walked towards Harbor.

Ryan sluggishly made his way to the main building. His feet ached and he decided maybe taking that detour to the pier wasn't the best idea. He arrived with only a few minuets to spare. He quickly went to his locker and changed over his books, then rushed to class. Lunch came around soon enough and he knew he would have to face the gang. He got minimal food and some water and sat down out side. Then he saw them, Seth, Summer, Anna, and Marisa. They saw him and slowly walked over. They all sat down in silence, Anna and Marisa were the only two who were oblivious to Ryan's attempt at running away. Everyone was quiet and Ryan just picked at his food.

"Has anyone told you not to play with your food Ryan?" Anna asked breaking the air. Ryan didn't look up. "Am I missing something?"

"Yeah Chino, she missing something?" Summer said. Ryan slowly ate some of his food, again not meeting their eyes.

"If you don't want to see me Ryan you could just say it!" Marisa said pushing her chair back.

"It's not you…" Ryan said looking up

"Then what?" Marisa asked.

"It doesn't matter…" Ryan said standing. He grabbed his backpack and shoved his water in it. "I have to go…" Ryan said leaving.

"Ok…what did I miss?" Anna said extremely confused.

"We broke up…more so, he can't forgive me." Marisa said slumping in her chair.

"Coop…ahhh, that's not why he left." Summer said awkwardly.

"Then why?" Marisa asked surprised.

"He tried to runaway…go to Austin" Seth said angrily.

"What….when?" Marisa and Anna simultaneously.

"Yesterday…well, actually after valentines day." Seth said realizing what he was saying.

"He left…or tried to…because of me." Marisa said holding back tears. She quickly ran for the bathroom. Summer quickly went after her friend.

"Coop, Coop you in here?" Summer asked walking in the girl's bathroom. Listening into each stall she could hear Marisa crying. "Coop, don't be like this, come out of their." Summer said leaning against the sink. Eventually Marisa came out, her eyes red.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan avoided everyone he could, he was quiet, more so than usual. When the day ended he was glad, but then remembered he would have to face Sandy and Kirsten. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and made his way to the bathroom. He drenched his face in water and stared at the reflection in the mirror. His head ached and his eyes were dull, he dried off some of the water and walked to his locker. He grabbed what he needed and looked at his watch and realized that Sandy would be there to pick him up. He slammed his locker shut and quickly locked it before briskly walking out of the building. He slowly walked to the car park trying to think of something to say. He scanned the area and saw the car over to his left. When he got there Sandy was the first to talk.

"Get in," He said pushing the door open. "Seth's getting a ride home with Summer."

Wordlessly Ryan got in the car, and shut the door. Sandy pulled out and started the "long" drive home. They were silent, Sandy focused on driving and Ryan staring out the window. Then suddenly they were at the house, and the car came to a stop. Ryan got out, as did Sandy. Ryan tried to make a break for it, but realized there was no hope.

"Ryan, kitchen now…" Sandy said. Sluggishly Ryan made his way into the kitchen, and slumped down into the chairs at the kitchen bench. Kirsten was home too and she came in from outside when she saw Ryan sitting at the bench. Sandy also made his way in.

"Do you want something to eat?" Kirsten asked trying to break the silence.

"No…I'm fine." Ryan said looking at his wrist band, the first thing he had ever jacked. 'I'm sorry…" Ryan said finally.

"That's not really what I want to hear, Ryan." Sandy said desperation in his voice.

"What do you want me to say?" Ryan asked slightly annoyed.

"Why'd you run off Ryan? Why?" Sandy asked. Kirsten just stood silently watching the two.

"I donno, I just thought…." Ryan trailed off.

"Thought what? We didn't want you? That we didn't love you? That you didn't belong? What?" Sandy asked frustrated.

"I donno…" Ryan said looking at the floor.

"You do Ryan…you need to talk to us. Your apart of this family, we love you…you just have to talk to us." Sandy pleaded.

"Why? You don't trust me…or believe anything I say." Ryan spat bitterly.

"That's not true…sure the whole Oliver thing was…traumatic for all of us, but we believed you in the end." Sandy said trying to calm Ryan down.

"Only when he had a gun at his head. Hey, maybe that's what it takes for people to get the message around here, a gun." Ryan shot sarcastically.

"Ryan, you know that's not true." Sandy said.

"Here's what I know;" Ryan said mockingly. "No one believed me about Oliver, but I was right. I know some of my actions weren't the best but still, the only way people saw through his façade was when he decided to "op" himself." Ryan sat back looking around him.

"Be that as it may, it was no merit for running away!" Kirsten interjected.

"Well, you got me, I'm back, not going anywhere except the guest room." Ryan said picking up his bag. He pushed passed Sandy.

"Don't leave it like this Ryan…" Sandy said warningly.

"Why? Because it will get worse. I doubt it could get any worse Mr. Cohen." The words hit Sandy like a ton of bricks and Ryan knew he shouldn't have said it. But there was no taking it back. Ryan made his way up to his room and fell against his door. He went and got the chair and jammed it under the door. He through his bag onto the bed and ran to the bathroom. He dry heaved into the toilet bowl; he didn't feel sick he just didn't feel great. His eyes were red and he splashed some water on his face before drinking some out of his hands. He started at his reflection again before getting to his homework.

- - - -

"Sandy we have to work this out." Kirsten told her husband.

"I know, he's a good kid we can work it out." Sandy said hopefully.

"We keep saying he is a good kid, but I'm starting to think we can't reach him…" Kirsten said tears in her eyes.

- - - - -

Summer, Seth and Anna were in Summer's car driving towards the Cohen house. The stereo played, but no one was paying attention.

"So he just left?" Anna said breaking the silence with disbelief.

"Tried to…" Seth said.

"But he's back to stay right?" Anna asked cautiously.

"I donno…" Seth said looking off in front of him.

From then on the car was silent, no one speaking afraid of what they might say. They got to Seth's place and he jumped out. He gave a kiss good bye to Summer and then she pulled out and drove off down the road. Seth watched them go before he turned into the house. He made his way to the kitchen and found his folks drinking coffee at the kitchen bench.

"How'd it go?" Seth asked nervously. No one said anything his mother just looked like she was about to burst into tears. "That bad huh?"

"Seth, don't…" Sandy said.

"I'm not doing anything…" Seth said holding his hands up in protest. "Where's Ryan?"

"In his room…" Sandy said.

"Which one?" Seth asked.

"The guest room…" Sandy said waving his hands in the direction of the stairs.

Seth nodded and went to his room and dumped his bag. He took a deep breath and made his way to Ryan's new room. He took another breath and knocked on the door.

- - - - - -

Ryan sat alone in the guest room. There was a desk and a stereo, all of the things that had been in the pool house had been moved up here. He had plugged some headphones into the stereo and was listening to it while he did his homework. He was absorbed in his homework, that he didn't hear someone knocking at the door.

"Hey Ryan! Can I come in?" the voice asked, then knocked again. Ryan knew it was Seth; he was surprised that he wanted to talk, even look at him. But he didn't answer what would he say to him. "Come on man…" Seth said his hand whacking the door. "I'm coming in, you better be decent…" Seth said, but when he tried to move the door knob it got caught on the chair and wouldn't move enough to open the door. He jiggled it agitatedly, and then a bit more violently.

- - - -

Seth couldn't work out how Ryan had kept him out; there were no locks on bedroom doors in this house. He banged his palm against the door. "Come on man let me in!" he yelled.

Seth's yelling had attracted his parent's attention; both came up the stairs and down to where Seth was.

"What's the matter?" Sandy asked.

"He's locked or jammed the door somehow…" Seth explained.

"Ryan!" Sandy said banging on the door.

- - - -

Ryan sat there listening to the music listening to the people at the door. Then he remembered something that made him shiver

"_Ryan….Ryan Attwood. You open the door this instant ya hear!" The female voice screamed. Ryan was only 10 he was sitting in the farthest corner from the door rocking back and forth. The tiled bathroom floor was cold and the fluorescent light flickered. He wasn't going to cry, he could never cry._

"_Ryan no one wants to hurt you, we just want to talk….just open the door." The woman said a bit softer this time. Ryan shuddered as he sat illuminated by the dull light. _

"_Ryan…" the voice pleaded…She was drunk, or on something…again, the woman he called Ma was calling._

"_Ryan listen to you god dam mother and get the fuck out of the bathroom!" The male voice yelled. Mike…the reason he sat there, bruised, and cold._

"_Mikey, don't talk to him like that…" His so called mother said to her lover, in a hushed voice._

"_Get out of the way Dawn…Get the fuck out of there before I break down the door!" Mike yelled his fist banging on the door._

"_Mikey no!" Dawn screamed. But it was too late the door broke at the lock and Mike walked right over to Ryan. He hauled him up y the jumper and dragged him out side. He through him down the steps were he landed with a thud on the pavement._

"Ryan!" A voice yelled, Sandy. It pulled him out of his memory with a jolt. "Ryan, just open the door, come on we just want to talk…" Ryan jumped up from his seat and in doing so ripped the headphones out of the stereo. Suddenly _Journey_ was blasting through his room. He hit the off button quickly and the house fell into utter silence. Ryan walked towards the window and looked outside. Then realized he was up one story so it would be harder if he tried to escape this way. He sat down on the bed…he couldn't escape. He didn't know what to do; he didn't want to be a burden to the Cohen's any more. Suddenly the pounding of a body on door started. He looked to his left and saw it sitting on the bathroom counter. His shaver, his blade, his escape. Slowly he walked to it, his heart pounded. He through his watch and wrist band on the bed and picked up the blade. Looking at his reflection he sliced into his wrists, then into the other. There was no pain, the cool blood ran down his hands, and the pounding on the door pounded in his head. With his last strength he wrote a message on the glass mirror.

Sandy and Seth were throwing themselves on the door. Finally they did a running kick and broke though. All three burst in and saw Ryan, alone on the floor of the bathroom covered in blood. Kirsten screamed pushed her back against the wall. Sandy Ran to Ryan and pulled off his coat, he quickly tied parts of it around the cuts. Seth pulled out his mobile and called the ambulance, then looked in and saw a message on the mirror, two simple words.

_I'm sorry_

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A/N

I'm sorry if that was too depressing…please review it. I love the feed back, The next few chapters will be happier…I hope


	5. The Awakening

A/N

Well thank you for the wonderful reviews, short but all together great. If you have any suggestions please don't hesitate to ask. Ohhh I'm sorry it takes me a while to write the story I have a ton of homework, and an All school production to do so yeah, I try so yeah hope you enjoy the story. And I'm trying to write my other Fanfic but it's hard to keep two stories going at once.

Chapter Five: The Awakening

Ryan slowly opened his eyes, his vision blurred. His eyes focused, but he squinted in the bright light. He tried to move his arms but found he had been restrained. He jiggled around, his feet were bound also. He took in his surroundings, the room was made of white brick and there were bars on his windows. He doubted he was dead. He looked at his writs and saw they had been bandage up. He shivered he was cold and he had been sweating. Then looking up he saw a camera in the corner of the room. Ryan stared at intently as he lay there. Wondering who could be looking at him.

- - -

The Cohen's sat in the waiting room, Sandy had blood stains on his shirt and Kirsten sat there sobbing, while Seth slept in his chair. The doctor came in and Sandy looked up.

"He's awake…" The doctor informed, "If you would like to see him you may follow me." The doctor stood there while Sandy stood, as did Kirsten, Sandy shook Seth awake and wordlessly he rose.

"Let's go…" Sandy said.

"If you will follow me…" The doctor said standing up. "We have put him under suicide watch; he has been restrained to a bed in isolation. Please do not be alarmed but any precautions we have taken, and do not under any circumstances remove his restraints. We would like to keep him under watch for another day or so. Then I think counseling would be best." The doctor explained. Sandy just nodded not knowing what to say. They reached a metal door; the doctor showed his ID to a security guard who opened the door. Then the doctor swiped his card through a card reader to open another door. Finally they walked down a cold corridor and stopped at room 16. The doctor swiped his card again and the door opened. The Cohen's entered wordlessly, but the doctor stayed outside. Ryan kept his had down not looking up.

"Hey kid…" Sandy said making his way over to the bed side. Ryan turned his head away from Sandy he couldn't look in his eyes. Kirsten was still sobbing and Sandy held her I his arms.

"Hey man, nice place." Seth tried to joke. Ryan didn't know what to say he looked up at the ceiling.

"Come on talk to us…" Sandy said.

"I" m sorry…" Ryan finally choked out.

"There's no need for apologies, were just glad to see that our son is alive." Sandy said softly.

"Son?" Ryan said bitterly.

"Yes, you are our son, we love you, whether you like it or not." Sandy said trying to smile.

"How long have I been out?" Ryan asked.

"Since last night…" Sandy said.

"Can I get these restraints off?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"Sorry no can do, doctors orders." Sandy said. Ryan just slumped back in the bed.

"How long do I have to be here?" Ryan asked.

"A day or so…" Sandy said.

"I hate hospitals….Dose anyone else…know?" Ryan asked softly.

"No, people might be suspicious about the ambulance but nothing but suspicions." Seth said.

"Can we keep it that way…?" Ryan asked.

"Ryan I don't think denial is the best way to handle this." Sandy said carefully.

"Not denial, I just don't want people to know…please don't tell anyone." Ryan pleaded.

"For now…" Sandy said after a while. Suddenly the doctor entered.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid your time is up, you can see him tomorrow, bring him some cloths maybe. But he has a meeting with a physiatrist now, so I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave."

"Why do I have to see a shrink?" Ryan asked loudly.

"There is no need to yell Mr. Atwood." The doctor said calmly.

"I'm not yelling just raising my voice…" Ryan said defensively.

"Well, in any case, you have just tried to kill yourself and seeking professional help is a given in this situation." The doctor explained.

"Fine…" Ryan said collapsing in his restraints. "Can I at least get the restraints off while I have the meeting? And could you get some sheets its kinda cold in here…" Ryan said.

"That may be arranged." The doctor said

"We'll see you tomorrow morning Ryan…" Sandy said leaving slowly.

Ryan laid his head back onto the firm mattress, alone he lay…waiting for something. Suddenly the door opened and a guard led in a youngish man of about 30 years. The guard undid Ryan slowly. Ryan said up and stretched.

"Hello my name is Daniel Peters." The man said sitting down in a chair he had bought with him. Ryan looked up but didn't say a word. "I guess we should get started…So you tried to kill yourself…why?" Daniel asked bluntly, he looked at Ryan with an unflinching gaze.

"I donno…" Ryan said eventually looking down at the floor.

"Bullshit…" Daniel countered, "Everyone does it for a reason. Why'd you try?"

Ryan just looked blankly at the floor, then to his wrists.

"Come on, I can sit here for as long as I have too… you have a good thing going for you here…The Cohen's took you in, so why try and op yourself. And don't you think it's a bit selfish." Daniel asked frankly.

"I wasn't being selfish…" Ryan said sternly.

"Oh no?" Daniel countered.

"No…I did it for them…" Ryan said not looking up.

"Them?" Daniel asked, intrigued.

"The Cohen's…" Ryan said

"I don't think they wanted you dead…" Daniel said leaning back.

"Not like that….I just wanted them to stop worrying and to let me go…I'm not their son." Ryan said sadly.

"But they think of you as their son don't they?" Daniel said.

"Saying isn't believing…" Ryan said bluntly. He was suddenly shocked by how much he had said.

"What about your friends?" Daniel asked.

"What about them?" Ryan asked.

"Did you think about them…?" Daniel asked calmly.

"Yeah…oh course…I just thought they would be better off without me…" Ryan said.

"Why do you say that?" Daniel asked.

"Because I'm…white trash…" Ryan said recalling the words of his mother.

"In Newport…no one who lives in the unnumbered streets is white trash…" Daniel said matter-O-factly.

"I am…" Ryan said. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, both of them looked and saw the guard who nodded at Daniel, who nodded back.

"I'm sorry our time is up…I will see you tomorrow…" Daniel said getting up.

"When do I get out of here?" Ryan asked.

"When you're ready." Daniel replied.

"When I'm ready? I'm ready now." Ryan said sternly.

"Maybe, tomorrow if the session goes well…" Daniel said leaving. The door closed behind him with a low thud and Ryan was left alone. He sunk back into the bed and looked at his wrists. Slowly he unraveled the bandages, more and more bandages rolled off, to reveal his scars. It had been a reasonably shallow cut so the scar was not huge but still noticeable. Ryan flexed his hand, but it was hard and it hurt. Giving up he lay down to sleep.

_Ryan at the age of 14 sat on his porch steps. His arms were bruised but covered by his jumper, his black eye was puffed and sore. A thunderous crack above sounded and then the rain started to fall. Suddenly behind him he heard footsteps walking towards the door. Getting up he limped out into the rain, when he got to the street he wasn't sure where to go. He made his way down to the left his legs killing him. _

"_Where you going kid!" a male voice yelled from behind him. But Ryan kept walking. "Look at me when I talk to you piece of shit!" The man yelled again. "Get inside we don't want you costing us anymore hospital bills." The man grabbed Ryan by his jumper and hauled him inside throwing him to the ground._

"_Where the hell have you been!?" Dawn screeched, Ryan just sat there cradling his throbbing arm._

"_Answer your mother you little bitch!" The man yelled, Ryan looked up at the man and saw a bottle of Jack Daniels coming down right on his face._

There was a loud bang that woke Ryan from hi slumber, and the sound of plastic sliding on cement. Ryan looked at the door and saw some food and drink. Ryan made his way to the door and picked up the iced water and drank it down. He ate some of the fruit that was on the tray and a roll but left what he couldn't identify.

Content for now he lay back down and fell into a dreamless slumber.

- - - - - -

Seth lay on his bed, Captain Oats standing on his chest; Seth didn't know how Ryan could do this.

"He tried to talk down Oliver…how could he be such a hypocrite?" Seth asked Captain Oats. It was getting around twelve and suddenly his cell phone rang. He didn't want to get it but knew if he didn't people would come looking for him. Sluggishly he picked it up, it was Summer.

"Hey…" He said tiredly.

"Cohen what's up why aren't you and Ryan at school?" Summer asked agitated.

"Uhh….not feeling 100… neither is Ryan" Seth lied.

"Ohhh, I'll come round after school, give you some cheering up…I'll bring the whole gang." Summer said lightheartedly.

"No…no I don't want you guys to catch anything, I'll see you tomorrow ok, maybe…" Seth said unstably.

"Ohhh, sure that's cool…bye Cohen." Summer said disappointed.

"Bye Sum." Seth said hanging up the Phone.

- - -

Summer hung up the phone and set it down on the lunch table.

"I think we were just blown off…" She said to Anna and Marisa.

"What?" Anna asked looking up from her lunch.

"Cohen, he just blew us off." Summer said slightly shocked.

"Why?" Anna perused.

"Donno…I'll go around after school. He said he and Ryan were sick but he's crap at lying, I'll go round see what's up." Summer said.

"Yeah we'll all come around…" Marisa said, both of the girls looked at her. "What? He can't ignore us forever."

"Yeah well, I'm sure Mr. I'm so broody can ignore us for a lot longer than you think." Summer said leaning back in her chair.

They went back to eating their food in near silence no one knowing what to say. Finally they all dispersed and went to class agreeing to meet in the parking lot after school.

Seth lay alone his father had just left from one of the quietest conversations he had ever had. Ryan might be coming home the next day but he couldn't be sure. He didn't know how he should feel, angry, depressed, and anxious it was driving him insane. Death Cab played in his stereo and his eyes were closed. All he could see was Ryan's limp body on the bathroom floor; he was restless so he decided to have a shower. It was coming on four o'clock when Seth stepped out. He wrapped a towel around his waist and looked in the mirror. God he hated his body, so thin and bean like. He suppressed his rage and walked down to his room. Getting inside he discarded the towel and look through some cloths suddenly there was a knock at his door.

"Hold On, getting dressed!" He called out. But the intruder opened the door.

"Cohen I'm not going to…" Summer started; leading Anna behind her but spun her whole body when she saw Seth in all his glory….as did Anna.

"Oh my god…I'm like so sorry…" Summer said blushing; Anna tried to suppress her laughter. Seth pulled on his cloths hurriedly.

"I'm decent…" he said, the girls turning cautiously around.

"You don't look very sick Cohen…" Anna said.

"Ahh, the thing about that…" Seth started but he heard a scream from across the hall. "What was that?" Seth asked quickly moving in the direction of the sound.

"Marisa, she went to find Ryan… I told her he was in the guest room…" Summer said.

"Where is he?" Marisa asked angrily.

"Ahh…" Seth stuttered.

"Where is he…there's blood on the floor…" Marisa said. Suddenly Sandy came running up the stairs and down the hall.

"What's going on up here?" He asked.

"Where's Ryan?" Marisa asked.

"He's not here…" Sandy said vaguely.

"I can see that…why is there blood…?" Marisa asked tentatively.

"Ahh, there was an accident, Ryan may tell you but I think this is one of those things you have to pretend you didn't see…" Seth said. Sandy gave Seth a look, while Seth just shrugged it off.

"Coop, maybe we should go…" Summer said.

"Yeah I guess, will Ryan be home tomorrow?" Marisa asked.

"We don't know…" Sandy said glumly.

"You never told me where he was..." Marisa said.

"No, I guess we didn't." Seth said leading them out the door.

- - - -

That night at dinner was silent and awkward. No one said anything they just ate in complete silence. Seth couldn't sleep he lay there restless; he drowned himself in his music hoping it would lull him into a sleep…which it did.

He was awoken when Sandy shook him awake.

"Hey kid, where going to see Ryan in about 10 minuets, so get up if you want to see him…" Sandy said.

Seth slowly got up his eyes red and tiered. He made his way down to breakfast dressed and ready, quickly gulping down some coffee he made his way out to the car.

- - - - - -

Ryan couldn't sleep he tossed and turned on the hard bed, he had been moved from isolation to a normal room with a bed. His room was warm but still he couldn't sleep. Finally around 3 A.M. he drifted off into a light sleep, periodically awaking, from his dreams. Around 10 o'clock the next morning he woke to find the Cohen's sitting in his room. He sat up and ran his hand though his hair.

"You're awake…" Sandy said.

"Seems like…" Ryan said not knowing what to say.

"Oh Ryan…" Kirsten said hugging Ryan, "We were so worried, don't do something like that ever again…"

"Don't worry, I won't…"Ryan said calmly.

"How was therapy?" Seth said with a weak smile.

"Seth…" Sandy and Kirsten chastised. Seth held his hands up in surrender.

"Ohhh, I should tell you that Marisa came over yesterday with Summer and Anna." Seth said.

"Did you tell them anything?" Ryan asked almost accusingly.

"No, we covered but she saw blood so you might have to tell her something…" Seth said.

"When can I get out of here?" Ryan asked, changing the subject.

"As soon as possible…" Sandy said. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Daniel came in.

"Ahh Ryan your up, and have visitors…hi I'm Daniel Peter's the resident physiatrist." Daniel said out stretching his hand towards Sandy.

"Sandy." Sandy said shaking his hand.

"I'm sorry I must ask you to leave, you can come back in about an hour." Daniel explained.

"Well, come back in an hour Kid." Sandy said leading his wife and Seth out the door. Once they were gone Daniel closed the door, and took a seat next to Ryan's bed.

"So how are we feeling?" Daniel asked.

"Fine…I guess…considering…"Ryan said awkwardly.

"Well, good, do you like talking to me?" Daniel asked, sitting up and opening his note book.

"It's Ok I guess…" Ryan said looking off in another direction.

"Well good, because I have recommended you see me once you get released." Daniel said. Ryan looked at him shocked.

"When do I get out?" Ryan asked, hope in his eyes.

"Actually after this session, you don't seem to want to kill yourself from what I can tell, but I do think you and I need to have constant contact." Daniel said.

"Do I have a choice?" Ryan said.

"Not really, the idea is being pitched to your folks right now; I think it would be for the best…" Daniel said.

"So doctor Peters." Ryan started.

"Dan…please" Dan interrupted.

"Dan, how often would I have to see you?" Ryan asked sitting up.

"Well it depends I would like every second or third day for about a month or so then maybe once a week. Depends on how the sessions go." Dan said

"Do we have to do the whole thing today?" Ryan asked

"No, I don't think you need it today…I will contact you in a day or so, try and settle in to your life again and we will talk." Dan said getting up.

"Oh, ok." Ryan said swinging his legs over the bed.

"Hold on kid, I don't think you can go just yet." Dan said with a smile Ryan just swung himself under the sheets again. "I'll get your folks."

"Not my folks…" Ryan said monotone.

"Whatever you say, I'll just get the Cohen's." Dan said reaching for the door.

"You don't tell them what we talk about?" Ryan asked.

"No, no, it's completely confidential, unless I have your written permission." Dan said opening the door. Once Dan left Ryan jumped out of bed and pulled on his cloths that the Cohen's had stacked neatly on the bedside table. Ryan was glad to see that they had bought him a long sleeve T-shirt that would cover his scars. He was just pulling his jcket on when the door opened.

"Going somewhere?" Sandy asked.

"I hope so…" Ryan said.

"Come on lets get you checked out." Sandy said. Ryan wordlessly walked out of the room and down the corridor Sandy followed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A/N

Hey, again I apologies for any stupid spelling or grammar errors it's late and I'm tiered…sorry for its lateness and its size.


	6. The Confrontation

A/N

Thank you, for all those great reviews, I would like to thank "fireflyxxstare" for offering to correct my grammar. I would love you to do it but I don't have the time to get them to you and as such I don't think I will need your help but thank you for the offer. I know that sounded pompous but really I write the stories, then read over them once or twice the post them…as it's all the time I can spare. Well on with the stories. Oh and please if anyone has any suggestions relating to the story plot wise etc. then feel free to put it in a review.

Chapter Six: The Confrontation

The Cart trip back was silent, the boys, Ryan and Seth looked out the windows not saying anything. Sandy pulled into the drive way and everyone go out, they walked into the house and the boys started to make their way up to their rooms.

"Ryan, can we talk to you outside?" Sandy asked. He motioned for Seth just to go to his room. Ryan put his stuff at the foot of the stairs and followed Sandy and Kirsten outside.

"Why don't we sit down…"Sandy said taking a seat at the patio table. Kirsten had calmed down and she wasn't crying but her eyes were red and puffy. Ryan looked at the ground.

"Ryan," Kirsten said, Ryan just looked at the ground. "Hey look at me, were just worried about you, this isn't an intervention."

"Ryan, we want you to fell comfortable, but to need to talk to us, tell us what's going on…" Sandy said, "I've said it before and I'll say it again, we love you, you are our son, nothing is going to change that." Ryan couldn't meet their eyes.

"The Doc filled us in on your arrangement, and we think it's a good step to take. But we have one thing to ask of you…"Kirsten started, "_Your_ bedroom door is never to be locked or bared in any way, we promises to knock, but can you promises that you won't lock or bar your door?"

"I guess…."Ryan said softly.

"Well, go to your room, tomorrow you have school, and yes you are going." Sandy said

Ryan trudged up to his room, he shut the door behind him and looked around, the blood had been cleaned up and a strange odor of flowers filled the room. His wrist band and watch lay on the bed where he had left them, he picked them up and rolled up his sleeve. The scars weren't too long and he was glad that he hadn't gone too deep; otherwise he might have cut a tendon. He clipped his wrist band on and it covered the scar neatly on one of his wrists and his watched covered the other one just. He hadn't had time for breakfast but he felt sick, he quickly went into the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet, he sat back and a wave of pain hit his head. Slowly he got up and saw Seth standing at the door.

"You OK man?" Seth asked coming forward.

"Yeah, nah it's fine." Ryan said sitting on his bed. "How are you?" Ryan asked.

"How am I….well considering my best friend or brother rather just tried to kill himself, I donno how to feel." Seth said vaguely annoyed at the question.

"Sorry…"Ryan said looking at the floor.

"Don't apologies, I just don't get why you did it…"Seth said leaning against the wall.

"Seth…I can't not yet…"Ryan said softly.

"That's cool, but you have to tell me something we need some serious Seth-Ryan time." Seth said trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, that might be good." Ryan said slightly uplifted.

"Do you know what you're going to tell Marissa?" Seth asked hesitantly.

"I donno, I'll think of something…"Ryan said.

"Do you want some lunch?" Seth asked.

"Nah I'm fine, I should catch up on some homework." Ryan said.

"Well, holler if you need something." Seth said leaving.

The rest of the day Ryan spent in the room they called his. Kirsten said that they would redecorate on the coming weekend and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Ryan finally decided to get an earl night of ten O'clock. But he was restless but finally drifted off to sleep.

Ryan had his first night off good dreamless sleep in ages. His exhaustion must have caught up with him. He made his way downstairs once he was showered and dressed, making sure his scars were covered. He found that everyone else was downstairs eating breakfast.

"Morning Ryan…"Sandy said, "Well I'm off…"He said making his way out, "have a good day." He kissed Kirsten goodbye and left.

"Ryan would you like a bagel?" Kirsten asked handing hi ma bagel. Ryan took half and slowly ate it. Finishing his cup of coffee he Seth and Kirsten made their way out to the car. They drove off, with some small talked made between Seth and Kirsten. They finally made it too school and Ryan hoped out of the car.

"Ryan, I'll pick you up after Soccer practice today. Your stuff is in the back." Kirsten said.

"Ohhh thanks…"Ryan said pulling his stuff out of the trunk. Ryan was very nervous how he would hide his scars during practice. He made his way to his locker Seth following, he had seven minuets before homeroom so he and Seth walked slowly, then it happened. Summer, and Marisa were walking up, and the four of them nearly walked right into each other.

"Hey…"Marisa said.

"Hey…"Ryan said

"Hey…"Summer said

"Hey…"Seth said

"So…we missed you yesterday…"Marisa said pushing for an answer.

"Yeah…I was…out…"Ryan aid vaguely.

"Right…Ok well we should get to…" Marisa said looking at Summer.

"Yeah, let's…"Summer said pulling Marisa away.

"That wasn't awkward one bit…" Seth said once the girls were gone.

"Not at all…"Ryan said walking to his first class.

Ryan through his stuff into his lockers, _school's a bitch_ he thought, he had so much to catch up on already. Throwing his bag over his shoulder he made his way to the student lounge. He got a coffee and sat down on the couch to do some work. Seth suddenly came in looking for him.

"Come on man, were all eating lunch…let's go." Seth said goading Ryan.

"Nah, I got to catch up on this stuff…"Ryan said indicating the books.

"That's cool, hey why don't you bring them with you…you and Marisa take History together, she can fill you in…"Seth said. Ryan just gave him a look.

"Or not, either way man, I'm not leaving till you come with me…" Seth said sitting down in front of him. He stared intently at Ryan, unflinching.

"Fine…"Ryan said giving in. He grabbed his books and chucked some stuff in his bag. The two boys walked outside and found the girls at a table with two chairs, one between Summer and Marisa and another between Summer and Anna. Seth tried to take the seat between Anna and Summer but Ryan was too quick. He slumped down in his chair and put the books down. Seth slid into his seat, and saw Marisa looked a little hurt that Ryan didn't sit next to her.

"Hey, did you know that Seth's grandfather made Man of the Year in _Riviera_ magazine?" Summer said breaking the silence. She pulled out the magazine to show everyone.

"Check out gramps he looks so angry." Seth said

"That's because he is." Anna said with a nod.

"I don't know why he's on the cover of a magazine." Summer said shaking her head.

"It's hard to believe that doesn't leave him happy and fulfilled right." Anna said her voice full of sarcasm.

"Totally, I know!" Summer said with a grin. Seth smiles at his girl friend. "Oh I love the society page it's like suddenly all of the people we know are famous, wow Diana Kahn totally got a chin implant."

"They have chin implants?" Anna said with everyone but Ryan touching their chins.

"Oh yeah my dad does em all the time he says chins are the new nose." Summer said, everyone raise their eyebrows, Seth smiled again.

"So did Picasso." Anna said matter-O-Factly.

"Really, what hospital does he work for?" Summer asked seriously, everyone looked at her, all smiling, except Ryan. "Kidding I'm not that dumb just shallow." Summer said covering herself. Everyone just shook their heads.

"Is all this talk of uh Newport and plastic surgery boring you Anna?" Seth asked turning to his friend.

"No actually, I'm savoring it, I won't be hearing it much longer…I'm leaving." Anna said getting up.

"You getting desert?" Seth asked slightly confused.

"No…I'm going back to Pittsburgh" Anna said picking up her tray.

"What?" Seth and Marisa say in unison.

"I'm ganna go live with my aunt an uncle, I've jus kind of had enough of Newport so…I'm leaving…" Anna says leaving the table. Everyone just looked down shocked, Summer put the magazine away. Suddenly Seth's phone rang, he flipped it open.

"Who do I know from the 909?" Seth asked with a frown. Ryan sat up quickly and snatched the phone from Seth.

"Nobody…"Ryan said getting up and answering it.

"Ryan, hi its Theresa...yeah Seth's mom gave me this number…" Theresa said.

"Hey…hey how are you uh everything ok?" Ryan asked concerned.

"Yeah fine I'm…uh I'm actually coming out there today." Theresa said quickly.

"You are uh how come, I mean uh for work?" Ryan asked trying not to sound too accusatory.

"Yeah butthey can't make us work all the time right, so I was thinking maybe we could hang out tonight." She said again quickly.

"Tonight uh sure…" Ryan said hesitantly.

"Don't sound so excited." Theresa said with a laugh.

"No, no I am I'm just-I'm just a little surprised that's all…"Ryan said quickly.

"Oh you know me full'a surprises, so I-ill come by after dinner?" Theresa asked.

"Yeah that sounds good, see ya then…"Ryan said. The phone is hung up on the other end and Ryan dose the same walking back to the table.

"Dude that has been the most you have talked in the last few days." Seth said with a grin. "Who was it?" he persisted.

"An old friend who is coming up to hang out after dinner…" Ryan said trying to avoid the subject.

"Old friend? Female friend?" Seth said slyly.

"I gotta go, I'll see you guys later…"Ryan said leaving quickly.

"Theresa." Marisa said with a frown.

- - - - - - - -

Ryan's day was nearly at an end, he only had Soccer practice, _maybe they won't notice the scars_ he thought. Or he could wear long sleeves? But it was too hot for that, he pulled on a jumper and headed out to the field. The others were already out there.

"Where you been Atwood?" The couch said gruffly.

"Sorry coach…"Ryan said.

"Doesn't matter, give me two laps then stretch up and join everyone else." The coach bellowed. Ryan sighed and got to work. He was finishing stretching and he moved to start practicing PKs. He was on his third try when the coach called them to come over. He told them they would be playing a game, and he divided up everyone that was there. They all turned to go, and everyone started to run out to the field. Ryan was at the side line when the coach yelled out again.

"Attwood, get the jumper off, for the life of me I don't know why you would wear it in this heat." He said shaking his head. Ryan ran past him and slowly took it off and through it on a bench. With his scars turned inward he jogged back to the field and took his position. The games went pretty smoothly, and no one had noticed Ryan's scars. Finally they were done, Ryan tried to get out first but the coach wanted to speak with him first.

"Why were you late today son?" Coach said seriously.

"I was catching up on my work coach, it won't happen again." Ryan said folding his arms.

"See that it doesn't…now out of my sight." The coach said with a smile.

"Yes sir." Ryan said quickly picking his gear up and heading to the changing room. He slowly made his way into the locker rooms and dumped his tuff down on a seat not close to anyone.

"Hey Chino, what was with you today? You were holding back." Luke said pulling on his shirt.

"I was?" Ryan asked back looking at the floor.

"Yeah, you feeling ok, you look kinda pale…"Luke said sitting down next to his friend.

"Nah, I'm fine." Ryan said finishing up.

"Well see ya." Luke said out stretching his hand. Ryan hadn't pulled on his jacket and he was wearing short sleeves, his jacket had fallen to the floor and he didn't have time to reach it. Reluctantly he shook Luke's hand but then looked down and saw a scar. Ryan quickly pulled back his hand.

"I gotta go…"He said quickly getting out. But Luke caught up with him when he burst out of the school building.

"Is that why you weren't at school yesterday and the day before that?" Luke asked stopping Ryan.

"Luke not now…" Ryan said turning away from him.

"Ryan man, if you tried to kill yourself, you can tell me." Luke said.

"You tried to kill yourself?" A female voice said. They turned to the voice…Marisa.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A/N

Hey, I know I used some stuff from different episodes, I'm just trying to connect everything…just so you know some of the dialog wasn't written by me but I needed it to fit, it may happen once and a while because I'm trying to fit it to the plot. Please Review my story your feedback is what drives me to put these stories out!


	7. The Girls

A/N

Thanks for your reviews guys! Ok I'll watch my commas and I'm sorry about any Australian or British colloquialisms. I'm Aussie through up bringing so yeah, but I will try and work stuff out. The whole Theresa thing I'm still debating I'm not sure how I will go on that. But something will happen in the next chapter or so, Theresa will play a minor part in this chapter.

Chapter Seven: The Girls

"Is that why you weren't at school yesterday and the day before that?" Luke asked stopping Ryan.

"Luke not now…" Ryan said turning away from him.

"Ryan man, if you tried to kill yourself, you can tell me." Luke said.

"You tried to kill yourself?" A female voice said. They turned to the voice…Marisa.

"I gotta go…"Ryan said quickly turning to go, but Marisa slid in font of him preventing escape.

"Ryan, where have you been the past two days?" Marisa asked slightly accusatory. In one swift movement Luke grabbed Ryan's wrist band and yanked it off, Ryan dropped his stuff all over but he didn't move. His wrist turned inward, he tried to grab his wrist band back from Luke.

"Luke man, give it back…"Ryan said threateningly. Marisa grabbed Ryan's hand and he didn't want to whack her accidentally in the face so he relaxed his arm, letting her see.

"Oh my god…."Marisa said looking at his wrists.

"Is this what you wanted Luke?!" Ryan yelled, picking up his stuff, Marisa had tears in her eyes.

"No man…"Luke said stunned.

"Well what do we do now?" Ryan asked angrily, "Oh, I know how about we send me to a mental institution, what good do you think could have come from you knowing!"

"Were your friends…you're supposed to tell us this sort of thing. Don't you trust us?" Luke said steadily.

"Do you trust me?" Ryan said his voice flat and harsh.

"Yeah, I knew about Oliver, I believed you! I was the only one who did." Luke said.

"Doesn't mean you trust me, none of us trust each other. And hey by tomorrow morning all of Orange County will know I slashed my wrists." Ryan spat snatching back his wrist band. Marisa suddenly ran she couldn't stand it, Kirsten nearly walked right into Marisa. Marisa mumbled an apology between tears. Ryan turned and left Luke, but Ran in to Kirsten halfway to the car park.

"Hey, what's going on Marisa just ran past crying." Kirsten said with worry.

"It doesn't matter…let's just get out of here…" Ryan said walking past her. She knew something was happening but she didn't ask questions. The car ride back to the Cohen's was silent, Kirsten and Ryan didn't know what to say, and then it just came out.

"Luke and Marisa found out…" He said softly, as the car pulled into the drive way.

"That's good isn't it?' Kirsten said turning off the ignition.

"Not the way they found out…"Ryan said looking out the window.

"But at least they know right?" Kirsten said looking at Ryan.

"Yeah…I guess…" Ryan replied opening the car door. Then he turned around. "Oh I forgot but ahhh, Theresa is coming over after dinner, I hope that's ok, she wants to hang…"Ryan said.

"Yeah I know, she was early she's inside." Kirsten said. He quickly made his way inside to find her playing the play station with Seth.

"Ryan!" Theresa said getting up and giving Ryan a hug. "Sorry about coming early….but now we can hang out. But I got to beat Seth up…ninja game."

"Cool, so do you want to hang out?" Ryan asked.

"Sure…you're in the pool house right?" Theresa said making her way to the door.

"Ahh, no I'm up in the guest room…"Ryan corrected.

"Hey dude it's your room now…" Seth said from the couch.

"Well, anyway why don't we go down to the peir?" Ryan asked.

"Ok, sure…"Theresa said.

"I'll just check with Kirsten first…"Ryan said.

"Check what with me?" Kirsten asked walking into the kitchen.

"I want to show Theresa some of Newport, do you mind if I go down to the pier?" Ryan asked.

"No, go ahead; just take Seth's cell phone. One of which you will be getting this weekend." Kirsten said. Ryan thanked Kirsten and got the cell phone from Seth, and slipped it into his pocket. "Do you mind if I borrow your car?" Ryan asked hopefully, he didn't want to ask for too much too quickly. Kirsten looked at him, and hesitated, but saw the look of pleading in his eyes.

"Sure," She said handing him the keys "Just be home by nine at the latest. It is a school night." Kirsten said sternly.

"Sure..."Ryan said to Kirsten, "Let's go." He said to Theresa.

They got into the range rover and drove down to the pier; they both grabbed something to eat and sat down on the beach to eat it.

"So Ryan, how's Newport life treating you?" Theresa asked breaking the silence.

"Ok, I guess…" Ryan said quietly.

"Hey, I've know you long enough to know something's up…what is it?" Theresa asked comfortingly. Then for the first time since valentines Ryan unloaded. He told here everything. His run-away his suicide attempt, everything. He trusted Theresa, and hoped she would just listen and not tell him he would need professional help. When he was done she was silent, what could she say.

"Oh god Ryan…" She said quietly. She hugged him, "Let's go back to my place." She said.

"I don't think I want to go to Chino right now…"Ryan said.

"Not Chino, a hotel, the little mermaid or something…"She said standing.

"Sure…" Ryan said.

They made their way to Theresa's room. And they went in side. Ryan sat on the bed and Theresa got him something to drink. He took the drink and thanked her for it.

"Ryan, I'm glad you told me…but I don't know what to say…" She said sitting down next to him and setting her glass on the floor.

"Then don't say anything…" Ryan said kissing her. God he had wanted to kiss her for such a long time. Her warmth filled him, he may not have loved her but he wanted her….needed here. Suddenly his shirt was gone and so was his wife-beater, then her shirt…One thing led to another and they did it, once again.

Ryan lay in the darkness and realized that it was bordering on 9:15 and he still had the trip back to the Cohen's. Quickly but as quietly he found his stuff and started to leave.

"Leaving so soon?" Theresa asked from the bed.

"It's late and I said I would be home at nine and its 9:18 right now…" Ryan said quickly pulling on his shirt. He clipped his wrist band on and strapped on his watch.

"Maybe I'll see you round Ryan Attwood." Theresa said smugly.

"Maybe…"Ryan said with a smile. Ryan ran down the stairs and suddenly his pants started to vibrate. He pulled out the cell phone and saw it was the Cohen's. He answered.

"Hello?' He said into the receiver.

"Where are you? You were supposed to be home at nine." It was Sandy.

"Yeah sorry, we lost track of time…and then I lost the car keys in the sand and had to go looking for them in the failing light." Ryan lied.

"Well, where are you now?" Sandy's voice was hesitant but still firm.

"I just dropped Theresa off and I'm on my way back." Ryan said.

"You're in Chino?" Sandy almost yelled.

"No not Chino, she's staying at the little mermaid or one of the hotels around the docks." Ryan said vaguely.

"Ohhh, well just back home quickly." Sandy said.

"Yeah I will…sorry." Ryan said.

"Don't worry about it kid, I'll see you back at home." Sandy said.

"OK, bye." Ryan said hanging up. He slipped the phone quickly into his pocket and jumped in the car. Then looked up to see Luke coming out of one of the rooms. He put the key into the ignition and then looked up to see Luke kissing……Julie Cooper.

"Holy shit." Ryan cursed.

He put the seat back and lay down but peaked up and watched the two. Julie playfully slapped Luke on the butt and he bounded off to his car.

"Guess I wasn't the only one to get any tonight." He said but regretted it as he got various mental images. He shuddered and pulled out and drove back to the Cohen's.

He pulled in just after half past nine and parked the car; he jumped out and made his way quickly inside. He walked quickly inside and found everyone in the kitchen.

"Sorry…"Ryan said as he walked in and handed the keys to Sandy. Sandy was silent then Ryan saw another person sitting on the couch, Luke. Ryan took a step backwards, and Luke quickly got up.

"Ryan man we have to talk…" Luke said coming forward.

"About what?" Ryan said harshly.

"About you, man…" Luke said.

Ryan just turned and walked up to the guest room. Luke followed behind him; Ryan got to his room and shut the door. But Luke opened it and strolled right in.

"What are you doing here Luke?" Ryan asked.

"Man you don't tell me anything any more, what happened to you?" Luke asked.

"Me, what happened to me? This is rich, hey had sex with Julie Copper lately?" Ryan asked. Luke looked shock.

"What are you talking about…"Luke said very awkwardly.

"How can you do it man…its Marisa's mum! That's disgusting, and what happens when Marisa finds out?" Ryan spat.

"She won't find out." Luke said defiantly.

"This is Newport nothing can be kept a secret here, nothing." Ryan said.

"You better not say anything…"Luke said threateningly.

"Or what you'll kill me?" Ryan said harshly. Luke was quiet he had no Idea what to say. "Break it off…" Ryan finally said, "Break it off it would destroy Marisa if she found out."

Silently Luke turned and left, and Ryan collapsed on his bed.

The weekend finally came around; next week they would be having a party to celebrate Caleb's man of the year award. But this weekend would be spent shopping, and decorating. Saturday morning came around and Ryan woke up around eleven. He showered and got dressed and went downstairs.

"Well hello…nice to see your up." Kirsten said handing Ryan some coffee.

"Yeah well, you know me I just love south coast plaza." Ryan said sarcastically.

"Ahh grumpy Ryan will not do, finish that and have something to eat then were off." Kirsten said walking out of the Kitchen. Ryan jogged out to the car and jumped in.

"Off we go…" Kirsten said pulling out of the driveway, Ryan attempted a smile.

They arrived at south coast and Kirsten strolled in knowing exactly where to go. They picked out paints and carpets first. Deciding on a light bluish color for the room. Next was furniture, they bought a desk, and Ryan pleaded with her not to buy another bed as his was fine. He also got some bean bags and a few cool chairs. Next was electronics, Kirsten bought him a computer, he protested claiming he wouldn't t need it but she wouldn't have it another way. He also got his own cell phone and Ipod. A TV was also bought and the idea for an X-box was debated but Ryan convinced her it wasn't necessary. She also bought him some new cloths and some new shoes.

So five and a half hours later and a few thousand dollars poorer they drove home the car loaded up with Ryan's new things. All of the furniture would be bought around the next day and the painting would be done after dinner.

Ryan didn't talk much during dinner but Seth filled him in with his day with Summer. They then went and painted it took them a while but once it was done they sat back and admired there accomplishments. For tonight Ryan would be bunking in with Seth. Ryan jumped into bed and stared up at the roof.

"So Ryan…are you ready for some Seth-Ryan time tomorrow?" Seth asked from his bed.

"What do you have in mind?" Seth asked.

"I donno man, maybe just hanging out or we could go sailing haven't seen my boat in a while…."Seth said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, whatever you wanna do man." Ryan said vaguely.

"Well I wanna do what Ryan Attwood wants to do, so what dose Ryan Attwood want to do?" Seth asked

"Ryan Attwood would like to sleep, and work tomorrow." Ryan said closing his eyes.

"Ryan Attwood shouldn't refer to himself in the third person." Seth said gleefully.

"Maybe Ryan Attwood would like Seth Cohen to not use Ryan Attwood's full name." Ryan said slightly annoyed.

"Seth Cohen is shutting up now…"Seth said lying back. Both boys fell asleep quickly. Both in a dreamless sleep.

Ryan awoke to the sound of people talking.

"Cohen wake him up, I don't wanna see Chino in his underwear…and I wanna see his room." The unmistakable voice of Summer said, not too softly.

"Shh, you'll wake him…Aww doesn't he look cute all rapped up in his sheets." Seth said with sarcasm.

"Cohen, you shouldn't say stuff like that!" Summer said smacking him over the head.

"Yeah Seth it was kinda minty." Ryan said sitting up. He saw the two love birds sitting on Seth's bed.

"Hey, Ryan your up." Seth said with noticeable annoyance (in a friendly way).

"Yeah well you two whisper badly…"Ryan said getting up.

"Chino put something on!" Summer said blushing as Ryan stood up in only boxers, Ryan folded his arms hiding his scars.

"Hey man, what happened to your wife beater?" Seth asked with a smile.

"It was hot…your room is always hot." Ryan said picking up his stuff.

"Yeah I know…"Seth said kissing Summer. But she pushed him away and giggled.

"Yeah well I'm going to have a shower…" Ryan said leaving.

Ryan wrapped the towel around his wet body. He looked into the mirror, but turned away quickly and opened the door only to find a workman dropping a box in his room.

"Oh sorry kid…just dropping off some chairs…" The guy said quickly leaving.

Ryan lifted some plastic and opened a chest of draws and pulled out his cloths, and returned to the bathroom. He got dressed and put on his watch and wrist band. When he came out again there were more boxers, which he assumed was the stuff they had bought yesterday. He made his way quickly down to the kitchen and grabbed some coffee.

He finished it and rinsed out the cup and put it in the dishwasher. Just then Kirsten came in.

"Oh Ryan your up…your new stuff has arrived do you want a hand unpacking, I'm sure Seth and Summer would like to help." Kirsten said.

'Yeah maybe…thanks again for all of this stuff…I really don't think I need it all." Ryan said looking down.

"Nonsense your part of the family so you are entitled to your own room and things." Kirsten said. Ryan nodded and quickly headed up to his room. When he got there he found Seth and Summer.

"Summer wanted to help." Seth said quickly.

"Yeah…thanks." Ryan said.

"Well it's the least I can do, so we should put the bed over there and the chairs can go there and the desk there. Cool?" Summer ordered.

"Ahh, sure…"Ryan said awkwardly.

"Isn't she a bundle of joy?" Seth asked kissing the top of Summers head, Ryan just gave him a look.

"Cohen if you don't want to do heavy lifting then get the plastic out of here." Summer ordered.

"Aye, aye captain." Seth said saluting Summer.

"Pirates Seth…that's..." Ryan started.

"Yeah minty I know…" Seth said leaving with a bundle of plastic. Two hours later, everything was set up; the chairs, the desk, and Ryan's new computer, and Seth was connecting it to the net.

"Done, you are now connected to the world wide web." Seth said leaning back.

"Thanks man." Ryan said coming over

"Don't mention it…me and Summer were talking about going down to the pier do you wanna come with?" Seth asked getting up and moving towards the door.

"Nah its Ok, my room still smells like paint and I have work to do…So I have my work cut out for me…" Ryan said sitting down.

"Well I'm going to change but I will come back and pick you up in a few minuets ok Seth?" Summer said bounding off.

"Sure thing…" Seth called after her.

"Seth, can you tell her?' Ryan asked breaking the silence between the two.

"Tell her what?" Seth asked curiously, Ryan just looked at Seth. "Ohhh, are you sure man?"

"Yeah, Marisa and Luke know its best she finds out from you rather than them…" Ryan said.

"Well if you're sure..."Seth checked Ryan just nodded. "Well I have to change I smell like paint fumes.

Seth changed and went down to meet Summer. She pulled into the driveway and they drove down to the pier, they got some food and an ice cream and sat down on the beach.

"I have something to tell you…"Seth said, turning to Summer, she looked worried.

"Ok…"She said awkwardly.

"It's not about me it's about Ryan…"Seth said hastily.

"Oh…"Summer said intrigued.

"He didn't know how to tell anyone, Marisa and Luke know…but that's not the point…the reason why he and I weren't at school was because we were at the hospital…" Seth started. Summer gasped. "Yeah, well he tried…tired to…kill himself…"Seth said softly.

"Oh god…"Summer said turning out to sea…what could she say. They sat in silence and ate the rest of their ice-creams.

"So I promised I would do something with Ryan today…you know some Seth-Ryan time…"Seth said breaking their silence.

"Yeah sure…" Summer said. They got up and walked slowly back to the car. They arrived home and Seth got out and gave his girlfriend a kiss and walked inside and went up to Ryan's room. He didn't knock and walked straight in to see Ryan and Theresa kissing on the bed.

"Oh man…sorry, I really should remember to knock…" Seth said turning away.

"Ahh don't worry about it…" Ryan said sitting back. Theresa got up and grabbed her jacket.

"Hey Seth…" Theresa said awkwardly.

"Theresa…"Seth nodded with a smile.

"So, I better be going I have work. See ya Ryan….Seth" Theresa said quickly walking out.

"Bye Theresa…" Seth said with a smile.

"See ya…" Ryan said. Theresa cleared out quickly.

"So that was the work you had to do?" Seth said with a smile.

"Seth…I didn't know she was coming over…" Ryan said.

"Don't worry about it man…but know we have to have some quality Seth-Ryan time." Seth said clasping his hands together.

"What about Summer…?" Ryan asked.

"She's cool…I told her…but now is Seth-Ryan time man..." Seth said pulling Ryan up.

"What do you wanna do?" Ryan asked.

"Let's kick it off with some play station and then we will see where it goes from there." Seth said leaving Ryan's room.

"Cool, ok…" Ryan said.

The rest of the day was spent swimming, playing play station and generally slacking… They didn't talk much but they were having fun…and that's what counted for Ryan. After a nice dinner supplied by a restaurant Ryan was going up to his room when there was a knock at the door. He answered it, when he opened the door he saw someone he hadn't seen some time…Eddie.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A/N

I am soo sorry it has taken me forever to get the next chapter up…I have been swamped with school stuff so yeah….I really do apologies for any stupid errors and I realize I am playing around with the time frame an awful lot please bear with me… As always please review!


	8. The Others

A/N

Well, there weren't that many reviews which kinda bummed me out. Reviews make this oh so much better. And again if you have any comments or suggestions please tell me, I need some guidance sometimes. Oh I'm going on holiday on the 16th of December so I'm sorry if I don't update it for ages.

Chapter Eight: The Others.

"Eddie? Hey what are you doing here?" Ryan said stepping outside and closing the door behind him.

"Well…I was looking for Theresa, her mum said she was working up here, and I heard from your bro that you were living up here now…" Eddie explained.

"Trey?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah I saw him last week, sucks he is still doing time…"Eddie said.

"Yeah…so you and Theresa are?" Ryan asked awkwardly.

"Engaged…" Eddie said matter-O-Factly.

"Engaged…dam man that's…that's great…" Ryan said slightly shocked.

"Yeah, so you seen her? She hasn't tried to look you up?" Eddie asked.

"Nah man…" Ryan says uncomfortably. Eddie turns around and to get into his truck.

"I just can't be leave she would run off like that with out saying anything…" Eddie said getting in.

"Me either…"Ryan said softly. Eddie pulls out of the driveway. Ryan turned quickly back into the house and ran straight into Sandy.

"Oh, hey…what's the rush…"Sandy said regaining his balance.

"Ohhh, can I borrow the car…I really need to talk to Theresa…" Ryan said.

"It's late Ryan; can't it wait till after school tomorrow?" Sandy asked.

"I really think it should be now…her….boyfriend just stopped by…"Ryan said bluntly.

"Boyfriend?" Sandy asked.

"Eddie…an old friend…can I borrow the car?" Ryan asked again.

"Yes but if your not back within the next hour and a half then you will loss your car privileges and remember you will be meeting with Dr. Peters, after school tomorrow." Sandy said handing Ryan some keys.

"Thank you…" Ryan said turning and running out of the house.

"Sandy where is Ryan going?" Kirsten asked with suspicions.

"He needed to work something out with Theresa, don't worry he'll be back in an hour…" Sandy said confidently.

Ryan jumped in the car and drove quickly to the hotel where Theresa's staying. He jumped up the stairs and banged on the door. It was whipped opened by a frazzled Theresa.

"Ryan hey, what are you doing here?" Theresa asked.

"We need to talk…" Ryan said.

"Come in then…" Theresa said letting him in.

"You used me…" Ryan accused.

"Excuse me?' Theresa asked confused.

"Eddie…your fiancé…he stopped by, wants to know where you are?" Ryan said harshly. Theresa sat down on the bed.

"I'm sorry…" Theresa started tears welling in her eyes, "I…Eddie loves me…but I can't marry him right now…" She explained.

"Then why sleep with me?" Ryan asked.

"I donno…it just happened all so quickly…" Theresa said.

"Hey it wasn't that quick…" Ryan said trying to lighten the mood, Theresa choked a laugh. "But I can't believe you didn't tell me…Theresa all this time."

"I know, I was stupid, I was just so glad to see you again…you left, one day all your stuff was there then it was gone. You don't know how that felt." Theresa said.

"I can't be here…I think some time apart would be good… You need to talk to Eddie work out what ever is happening in your life…" Ryan said leaving.

"Ryan wait…" Theresa called out. But Ryan just continues out side, Theresa lies on her bed and cries.

Ryan storms down to his car and jumps in and slams the door shut. _ How could I be so stupid!_ He thinks to himself. He whacks his hands hard on to the steering wheel, turns the ignition on and drives off. He pulls into the Cohen drive way and parks the car, he jumps out and storms gruffly into the house. He leaves the keys on the kitchen bench and goes up to his room. He shuts the door behind him, and walks to the bathroom, he feels like crap. _Used once again_ he said to himself. He closed the bathroom door and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and his face tiered. Flipping up the toilet seat he sunk to his knees and through up. Once the food was gone he started to dry heave, the pain seared through his chest. Finally he stood and swallowed some water from the tap. He splashed himself with water and opened his door to find Seth sitting on his bed.

"Hey man, I thought you were Ok…" Seth said concerned.

"Nah, yeah I'm fine…" Ryan replied walking over to his desk.

"So how'd it go with Theresa??" Seth asked breaking the silence between them.

"Not so good…" Ryan said sitting down.

"Why what happened?" Seth pushed.

"I don't really want to talk about it…" Ryan said.

"Come on man…let me in…" Seth pleaded, there was a pause before Ryan spoke up.

"She's engaged…" Ryan said quickly.

"Wha…who…when…" Seth spluttered.

"Eddie…and old friend, he stopped by tonight to ask if I had seen her." Ryan explained.

"So are you too…?" Seth asked.

"No, well not anymore…Do you mind I think I just want to sleep, today was good…right up until Eddie came, but still…" Ryan said sleepily.

"Yeah…I know, I'll let you sleep…" Seth said leaving.

"Thanks man…" Ryan said watching him leave. When he was gone he pulled off his pants and jacket and switched off the lights. He climbed into bed and fell asleep.

- - - - -

The morning sunlight filled the Cohen kitchen illuminating everyone inside. Ryan trudged down and silently got some coffee, he ate half a bagel and no one said anything. Finally Seth spoke up.

"So Ryan, Summer is going to pick us up today, so grabbed your stuff cause she will be here soon…" Seth said folding the part of the newspaper he was reading. Ryan nodded and got up from the bench and went upstairs grabbed his bag and went downstairs. Sandy was waiting by the door.

"How'd it go last night?" Sandy asked.

"Not so well, I don't want to talk about it…" Ryan said.

"Well, after school I will pick you up and we will go to Doctor Peters ok…" Sandy said.

"Do I have a choice?" Ryan asked.

"Not really no." Sandy said bluntly. Ryan nodded and walked outside, and found Seth already in Summers car.

"Morning Chino…" Summer said. Ryan tossed his head in her direction and hopped in the back. The car ride was filled with a silence loosely covered by music. They pulled up to Harbor and all jumped out of the car.

Ryan was lucky he had avoided Marisa and Luke for half the day, he sat in the Student lounge sipping a coffee when his luck ran out.

"We should talk…" Luke said. Ryan looked up and saw Marisa.

"About what…?" Ryan asked annoyed.

"About what you did…Man we can talk here but there are people here, and believe me I will talk…" Luke said.

"Fine…" Ryan said closing his book and shoving it in his bag. The three walked out to the fields and sat on the bleaches, no one was around. "So talk…" Ryan said sitting down.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Luke asked.

"And how would that conversation go…hey Luke what up? Hey guess what I did two nights ago…Slashed my wrists!" Ryan said sarcastically.

"Were your friends…you're supposed to tell us..." Marisa said softly.

"Well I didn't I couldn't…but now you know…" Ryan said standing.

"Why'd you do it?" Luke said suddenly. Ryan just looked at him.

"Luke…I cant not now…" Ryan said leaving. They watched him make his way back to school and didn't see him for the rest of the day.

- - - - - -

Ryan sat in a waiting room drumming his fingers on his legs. Sandy sat next to him with a magazine.

"You know you don't have to stay…" Ryan said.

"I know…I don't mind…" Sandy said flipping the page.

"Ryan, good to see you come into my office…" Doctor Peters said opening his door. Ryan followed and Sandy stayed behind. The Docs room was not your classic shrinks office. On the back of the door was a small basketball hoop, and there bean bags around the room. Ryan took a seat in front of Doctor Peter's desk.

"Do you want to sit in the bean bags?" Daniel asked.

"No, I'm fine…" Ryan said.

"Well, Ryan do you have any questions?" Daniel asked.

"No…" Ryan said looking around the room.

"Well, how have you been since we last talked?" Daniel asked, taking his seat, on the couch to the left of Ryan.

"Fine…" Ryan said.

"Care to elaborate?" Daniel asked.

"How so Doctor…"Ryan started.

"Dan, please call me Dan…" Dan interrupted.

"Well how do u mean Dan?" Ryan asked.

"Well, your overall time back, positive or negative…" Dan asked.

"Both…" Ryan said.

"Elaboration would be nice…" Dan said.

"Well, two of my….friends found out about what I did and there was yelling…" Ryan confessed.

"You didn't tell them?" Dan asked.

"No, they saw…the scars…" Ryan said softly.

"But at least now they know…" Dan said.

"I guess…but it wasn't the best way for them to find out…" Ryan countered.

"How about your family…how are they taking it all?" Dan asked.

"The Cohen's?" Ryan asked

"Yes, you don't think of them as family?" Dan asked.

"Well, I guess I do…but I do have two families and I donno…" Ryan said his eyes cast down.

"Well, the Cohen's how are they taking it?" Dan asked again.

"They're…taking it well, I guess…Seth is just Seth and Sandy and Kirsten I'm not too sure…" Ryan confessed.

"Why?" Dan asked.

"Because…I've been avoiding the topic…" Ryan said.

"Why?" Dan asked again.

"What are you six?" Ryan asked exasperated.

"Apparently…Why?" Dan answered with a smile.

"Who wants to talk about it…It's awkward and complicated. So I avoid it." Ryan stated.

"Ok, but don't you think it would be easier if you talked about it and got it out of your system." Dan asked.

"You tell me, you're the shrink…" Ryan said slightly pissed off.

"Fine, Ryan talk to your parents, Sandy and Kirsten, you need to talk other wise you will bottle it all up. Talking is what keeps us sane. Some are better than others, that's a no brainier but you can learn."

Ryan was in there for another thirty minuets, in that time he had talked more than he could have ever imagined. He told Dan about everything, about Theresa about Eddie, about his mother and brother. He had emptied his soul.

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A/N

Sorry if its crap or badly edited, I don't have much time cause I'm going away for holidays for over two weeks and I wont be able to update it…so I'm sorry about how short this chapter is too so I will see you when I come back…Please review the story cause I love the feed back!


	9. The Blackout

A/N

Well thanks for the reviews it what keeps me going! Sorry it has been a while, I have been on holidays for a while, and thus have had no time to write and post. So on with the story…

Chapter Nine: The Blackout

_Another horrible car ride…_ Ryan thought. They were almost home and Ryan nerves were starting to get to him. They pulled into the driveway and Ryan jumped out of the car and headed straight up to his room. Then a voice stopped him half way up the stairs.

"Ryan, could you come to the kitchen?" Kirsten's voice echoed from the kitchen. Ryan dropped his bag on the steps and made his way down to the Kitchen.

"How was it?" Kirsten asked.

"Ok…for therapy I guess…" Ryan said vaguely.

"Well, we have Chinese, so if you stay you can eat…" Kirsten said hopefully.

"No it's ok; I have…homework to do…" Ryan said.

"Well if you get hungry…" Kirsten said. Ryan nodded and headed up to his room. He chucked his bag on his bed and made his way to his bathroom, stripping down for a shower. Stepping under the warm water, he closed his eyes. He turned it up letting the water pelt his back. After thirty minuets he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist. Stepping into his room he saw someone waiting for him.

"Why is it that whenever I come out of the shower someone is waiting for me?" Ryan asked, more to himself than the person on the bed.

"Maybe you're just that popular…" the person said.

"Why are you here Marisa?" Ryan asked pulling on a shirt.

"I wanted to see you…" Marisa said softly.

"Here I am…" Ryan said sitting down on a chair.

"I know nothing can go back to normal…nothing here ever dose…" Marisa said. "But I want us to be friends…to trust each other again…"

"I think I may trust you…but I don't trust that you trust me…" Ryan said, Marisa looked hurt.

"I trust you…I do…" Marisa said tears welling in her eyes.

"I wish I could believe you…you should go…" Ryan said.

"But I…." Marisa said tears starting to fall.

"Just go!" Ryan said pointing to the door. Marisa jumped up tears falling and ran from the room. She mumbled an apology as she bumped in the Seth then Kirsten.

Seth pushed opened the door and saw Ryan pulling on his boxer-briefs.

"Oh shit…sorry dude…" Seth said turning around.

"Don't worry about it, bound to happen sooner or later…" Ryan said pulling on his pants, he tightened the belt tighter than usual, but didn't think about it. "Turn around Seth…what are you doing any here?" Ryan asked, Seth turned around.

"Well, I saw Marisa run out here crying…and I thought I would see what was up?" Seth said with concern. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Ryan I saw..." Kirsten started but stopped when she saw Seth. "Never mind…" she said closing the door.

"See we care about you what's going on with Ryan Attwood…and Marisa Cooper…" Seth asked slyly.

"Nothing's going on Seth…" Ryan said slightly annoyed.

"Really, I find that hard to believe…" Seth said.

"We're not seeing each other…We have….trust issues…" Ryan admitted.

"Well, I find _that_ hard to believe." Seth said with obvious sarcasm.

"Seth…" Ryan said warningly.

"Ryan, you're always going to have issues man, trust or not…Just try and get back to the norm…what ever that may be…" Seth said leaving. Ryan sighed and sat down and started his homework.

Ryan woke up just after 2 am. His throat was dry and he was hot, rolling out of bed he made his way down stairs to the kitchen in his boxers and wife beater. He poured himself some juice and looked up and saw Seth looking at him.

"Seth what are you doing up?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing…drink…juice, I came down for juice..."Seth said stumbling through his own words.

"Right…Seth I'm not going to up and leave…" Ryan said.

"Like you did before?" Seth asked slightly angry.

"Seth…" Ryan said warningly.

"You never did say why you left…or why you tried to kill your self…" Seth said, his voice rising.

"It doesn't matter…" Ryan said putting his glass in the sink.

"It dose matter…we're best friends…brothers, our supposed to tell me…" Seth said.

"Leave it alone Seth…" Ryan said turning away; he walked towards the side exit. But Seth blocked his way.

"Don't walk away from this…" Seth said firmly.

"Since when did you care…" Ryan said bitterly as he turned to go outside.

"I've always cared…" Seth said following him out.

"Seth just leave it alone…" Ryan said heading towards the pool house. He tried the door but it was locked. He shook it violently, before moving another direction.

"Come on Ryan, let me in..." Seth pleaded.

"Seth, why are you doing this?" Ryan asked almost yelling. Suddenly a light came on from inside the house. "Great, your parents are up!" Ryan spat.

"Your parents too…" Seth said back.

"Seth just leave me alone…" Ryan said turning away from Seth. But Seth again blocked him; the only place he could go was backwards, towards the pool. He saw Kirsten and Sandy coming from their part of the house, no where to run, no where to hide. So he jumped into the pool. The water was cool and it consumed him, cooling his pain. He gabbed onto the bottom of the pool and held his breath. He had always been good at holding his breath so he could hide.

"Seth what is going on out here?" Kirsten asked, coming forward, and then she saw the water in the pool moving, Sandy saw it as well. All three looked in and saw Ryan holding on his eyes tightly closed. Without a word Sandy jumped into the water sinking down he grabbed Ryan's arm. Ryan's eyes shot open and looked at Sandy and rose with him to the surface. When they reached it he saw Seth and Kirsten looking at him. He immediately took a deep breath, sank to the bottom, and swam to the other side, but Sandy hauled him up.

"Stop that." Sandy commanded as he pushed Ryan to the edge. Ryan jumped out and looked at the three Cohen's before turning to the house and heading in. He got to the stairs before they got to him. Kirsten put a towel around him.

"Ryan, what were you thinking??' Sandy asked. He didn't reply.

"Ryan you have to talk to us…" Kirsten pleaded. Ryan finally gave in, his anger taking over.

"You want me to talk, so I'll fucking talk. I like here, and I don't want to go, but you…you people, you're smothering me, It was nice that you tried to open me up but now you've gone too far, and you're killing me…Sure I've had opportunities I would have never had before, hell I didn't even tell my shrink this…But I get it now, I don't belong here, and now it's killing me inside…" Ryan suddenly felt numb and the lights went all dizzy. "Shit!" Ryan yelled before he fainted. Sandy caught the boy he no longer knew. He looked at Seth and Kirsten. Kirsten's eyes were filled with tears and Seth showed pure shock. Sandy dragged Ryan's body to the couch and set him down.

"He looks so pale…" Sandy observed.

Sandy placed his hand on Ryan's forehead to find it hot, not too hot but unusually so. Trying to put what had happened behind him he decides to take him to the hospital.

"Seth, could you help…" Sandy asked hauling Ryan over one of his shoulders; Seth attempted to do the same.

"Where are we talking him?" Seth asked.

"To the car…" Sandy said softly.

"You're kicking him out…while he's unconscious!" Seth asked shocked.

"No, no we're talking him to the hospital, he just fainted, he's got a fever, and he has lost a bit of weight." Sandy observed.

"Yeah about that…I donno if I should say…" Seth said as they got outside.

"Seth…" Sandy said warningly.

"He's been throwing up…I don't think he's bulimic, just not well…" Seth admitted as they placed him in the car. Kirsten stood at the door, and they all came to the realization that they were in pajamas.

"One minuet, then we come back here. I don't know how long he'll be out…" Sandy said looking at Ryan.

They were all back in record time and Ryan was still passed out in the car. They all piled in, Kirsten still crying a little. They got to the hospital and carried Ryan in. He was placed under careful watch and the three Cohen's stayed with him. Early next morning before Ryan was awake the doctor came in to tell the Cohen's the results of some of the test they had conducted on him last night.

"Well…" The Doctor started, flipping through some pages of paper. "Preliminary test indicate, malnutrition, and sleep deprivation, but we won't know more until he wakes up."

"When will that be?" Kirsten asked concerned.

"Soon…" The doctor said leaving.

Ryan's head hurt, and he opened his eyes to a bright white light. He squinted and sat up taking in his surroundings. _Great, a hospital_ Ryan thought sarcastically. He could see the Cohen's sitting around the room.

"Hey, you're up…" Seth said seeing Ryan.

"Seems like…" Ryan said nonchalantly.

"How are you feeling?" Sandy asked.

"Ok…I guess…" Ryan said. _Why the hell are they so nice I was an asshole last night_ Ryan thought.

A knock at the door indicated that someone was there, this time it was Ryan's Shrink, Dan.

"Oh good you're up…" Dan said coming. "Ahh, do you mind if me and Ryan talk for a bit?" Dan asked the Cohen's.

"Sure…" Sandy said nervously. He had told Dan what Ryan had said and done in the very early morning. The Cohen's left sluggishly; they closed the door behind them as they left.

"So Ryan…Sandy told me what happened…" Dan said breaching the subject, Ryan didn't say anything. "So what's up kid, what happened?"

"I thought Sandy told you." Ryan said harshly.

"Sure he told me, but I want you to tell me, what was going through your mind. I know you don't like talking about this sort of thing, but I won't tell the Cohen's a thing unless you give the OK." Dan said carefully.

"Well….What do you want to know?" Ryan said hesitantly.

"This morning, what happened?" Dan asked sitting down next to Ryan.

"I woke up, around 2 in the morning, and got up to get some juice. I guess Seth heard me and thought I was taking off like I did before…" Ryan started.

"And you weren't…" Dan interrupted; Ryan just gave him a look, "Sorry had to check keep going I won't interrupt again."

"We got into an argument, Seth basically saying I wouldn't let him in, he kept pushing my buttons asking why I left and why I…cut myself. He wouldn't let me leave so I the only place I could go was outside. God I wanted to hit him so much, but I would never… We got outside and I tried the pool house, I was locked, it never used to be locked. So then He cornered me, and then Kirsten and Sandy came out, I had no where to go but the pool, so I jumped in. I wasn't trying to drown myself; I just needed to get away from them. Next thing I know Sandy hauls me out, I try to go back down, get away from them but he hauls me up onto the pool edge. And then I try to go back to my room, but they stop me when I get the stairs. And then I unloaded. They had been pressuring me to talk so I talked…" Ryan confessed, his eyes were cast own.

"Did you mean what you said?" Dan asked.

"Yes, but I didn't want to tell them all at once, but I can't live like they live, I can't play happy families and tell them about my feelings and stuff. I can try and tell them a few things but it doesn't satisfy them, I can't satisfy them. I'm going to ask to move out, maybe live in the numbered streets…" Ryan said.

"Is that what you really want?" Dan asked slightly shocked.

"Yes." Ryan said confidently.

"Will they let you do that?" Dan asked.

"I don't know…I hope so, but…I don't know..." Ryan said vaguely.

"Do you want me to ask them?" Dan asked breaking the silence.

"I couldn't ask you to do that…" Ryan said shocked.

"Ryan, I'm here to help decided what's best for you, and if that means moving out but staying close well maybe I should." Dan said.

"If you think its best…" Ryan said.

"But you would think it would be better?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, I guess…" Ryan said slowly.

"So I'll ask..." Dan said getting up. "I would also like permission to talk about what has been said in some of our sessions relating to The Cohen's." Ryan nodded. "Are you sure?" Dan asked

"Yeah…" Ryan said uneasily.

"Now if I ask about you moving out then we must continue these sessions and keep in close contact. You must also keep close contact wit the Cohen's." Dan said firmly.

"I can try…" Ryan said sitting back. Dan left and Ryan felt an immediate weight off himself, now all he had to do was face the Cohen's. But being tiered he slipped into a nice slumber.

Dan stepped out of Ryan's room, he felt for Ryan, and he knew Ryan wouldn't settle if he stayed with the Cohen's. And maybe, just maybe, Ryan would come back on his own. Kirsten and Seth were sitting in the waiting room, Sandy was missing.

"Where is Mr. Cohen?" Dan asked.

"He went to get Ryan some clothes, he should be back soon." Kirsten said.

Fifteen minuets later Sandy came back with a duffel bag, he set it down and took a seat.

"Ok, Ryan and I have made very good progress, he talks to me." Dan sat down in front of the Three Cohen's. "Basically he feels loved, but he feels it's verging on smothering. He has never had a family that has loved him so much, and that talk about their feelings. He's finding it overwhelming." Dan started. All three of them looked surprised, but not too shocked.

"We can try and change, not talk as much…" Kirsten said uncertain.

"There is more, he doesn't feel he can live up to your standards. And he has a request that I think might be a good idea. He wants to move into the numbered streets, and live alone." Dan said. All three of them gasped. "Now he would keep in close contact and we would keep up our sessions, but the decision is ultimately up to you. My advice is to at least consider it."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Sandy asked.

"Truthfully, I'm not saying good, but I'm saying it might be better than the conditions at the moment. He is being cornered by a lot, and even though he attempted suicide I think the environment change would be best for him." Dan said solemnly

"We will have to talk it over with Ryan…" Sandy said still in shock.

"Talk what over!" Seth said outraged. "He's not going anywhere!"

"Seth calm down, we have to talk it over…" Sandy said.

"Fine…" Seth said angrily, sitting back in his seat.

Ryan woke around midday to find Kirsten and Sandy sitting by him. He sat up uncomfortably and ran his hands through his hair.

"Good you're up...ahhh, the doctor told us about your…idea…" Kirsten said.

"Ryan, we know this is what you want and we will agree to it under some strict conditions." Sandy said firmly. "Firstly we will cover your apartment food and everything, you will call us every second night, and you must improve your health. This means eating and sleeping more. You will have sessions with Dan at times he sees fit. You will stay in soccer, and any dramatic negative changes in your grades will result in you moving back. These are most of the rules we have for this, take it or leave it."

"Thank you…" Ryan said.

"Oh you will be needing a car so we will have to buy you one, and you must talk with Seth soon, he is distraught and angry. They are releasing you now, but you have to go to school." Sandy said frankly.

"Here is your stuff; I wasn't sure what you wanted…" Kirsten said handing Ryan a duffel bag.

"Its fine thanks…" Ryan said leaving for the private bathroom.

He took off the robe and pulled on his pants, and looked in the mirror. He splashed water on his face, dried it and then put on his shirt. He clipped on his wrist band and watch; he then left with the bag and robe in hand. He laid the robe on the bed and turned to Kirsten and Sandy.

"Let's go…" Sandy said leading the way out.

The car ride home was filled with a deafening silence. They pulled into the drive way and everyone got out.

"Go and get your school stuff then I'll drive you to school, you have soccer so don't forget your stuff." Sandy said as Ryan disappeared inside. Sandy kissed his wife on the head, "I'll make sure he gets to school."

"Good…" Kirsten said also going inside.

Ryan came back out and they headed off to school, he arrived halfway through his lunch period so he went to his locker then to get something to eat. He got a tray of food and went outside and saw Summer, Luke, Marisa, Anna and Seth all sitting by the balcony, there was one empty seat by them, so he walked over and sat down.

"Hey, dude how are you feeling Seth said something about a hospital…" Luke said shoveling food.

"He did, did he?...I'm fine…" Ryan said taking a sip of his water.

Seth stood violently and left, Summer jumped up and followed him.

"What's with Cohen?" Luke asked. No one said anything and Ryan just ate silently. Ryan got to the end of his lunch and decided to tell everyone what they would find out somehow.

"So…" Ryan started, everyone looked at him. "I'm moving out of the Cohen's place…" Ryan said and waited for a reaction that was instantaneous.

"What?!?" Luke said loudly. The girls just looked shocked.

"I'll still go to Harbor but I will live alone in the numbered streets. I thought it would be best you hear it from me and not an angry Seth…" Ryan said trying to lighten the mood.

"You got that right…" Luke said. Suddenly Summer walked up looking pissed off.

"Chino!" She yelled they all turned to look and so did a few other people. "What's this I hear about you leaving?" She asked angrily.

"Summer, just sit down…" Ryan said trying to calm her.

"No, Cohen is all distressed and like angry." Summer declared.

"Yeah I know…I'm just moving out, but I'm ganna get a house in the numbered streets. So I'll be around…" Ryan explained.

"You need to talk to Cohen, don't leave with him pissed off like this." Summer said sternly.

"I won't Summer…" Ryan said giving into her.

"Good…" She said getting up. "Anna walk me to Bio?" Summer asked.

"Sure…" Anna said getting her stuff together. The two left and the other three started to disperse.

"See you at soccer?" Luke asked Ryan.

"Yeah…" Ryan said with little enthusiasm.

They had all separate classes today so Ryan was pleased to be left alone for a good long while to try and concentrate on school. He walked to the lockers and changed a few other people trickled in and out. He jogged out to the field and started to stretch.

Soccer was hard work and Ryan tried to avoid Luke when possible. He changed quickly and tried to leave but Luke was waiting for him.

"So why are you moving?" Luke asked, he was leaning against the wall and he pushed off with his foot.

"Luke…it doesn't concern you…" Ryan said walking away.

"Ryan, just tell me, were friends, this is what were supposed to do." Luke said following Ryan.

"Fine, I left because I was suffocating, everyone wants to talk and I…I never have talked bout my feelings and…it just wasn't working for me…I have to go." Ryan said walking quickly in the direction of the car park.

"Ryan man, wait up…" Luke said grabbing Ryan by the arm, he turned and shock Luke's arm off. "If you want…look…I won't push anything from you…but since we're friends you need to tell me stuff, cool?"

"I can try…" Ryan said walking to the car park, Luke just let him go.

After dinner Seth went straight to his room and Ryan slowly walked up wondering what he could say. He knocked on the door and a voice said from inside to come in.

"Hey…I thought maybe, we should have some Seth-Ryan time." Ryan said nervously.

"Can't now, busy." Seth said turning to his books.

"Come one Seth, I'm not moving that far away or anything." Ryan said.

"But, you're still moving." Seth said, he violently flipped open a book.

"Yeah, I have to, but if I get a big enough place you can come and stay over…any time" Ryan said hopping to lighten Seth a bit. It worked…a bit.

"I guess that could be cool…but I still don't like that you're moving." Seth said firmly.

"But we're cool?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"Getting there, it will take a lot of Seth-Ryan time and groveling by your part." Seth said.

"All I can do I try." Ryan said. "I'll let your get back to your work." Ryan said leaving. He went to his room and did his homework.

The week passed and preparations for the party were made, white lights and no cilantro for the man of the year. Ryan was apprehensive, he had another session with Dan and they had found him a place somehow in their time. It was only an 8 min. drive from the Cohen's, it wasn't too small, but very big either. It was close to the beach, but you couldn't see it from inside the small house. It had 2 bedrooms, a study, a bath room, a living room, a nice kitchen, and dinning room. Ryan would move in early next week, once the lease and everything were sorted out.

Saturday morning arrived and party preparations were being made, Anna would be coming over to say goodbye, and Seth was distraught. Anna was leaving and so was Ryan, Seth's world was falling apart.

The party was set up beautifully and everything was going fine. Seth and Ryan had been quiet, Seth wondering how he could convince Anna to stay, and Ryan wondering about Theresa. For some reason he missed her, even though she had lied to him and used him, he missed her, for what ever reason…he missed her.

Ryan stood alone when Anna walked up behind him, she tapped on his shoulder and he greeted her with a warm smile.

"Came to say goodbye to Seth?" Ryan asked.

"Yeahcould you give him this…?"Anna replied handing Ryan a pink envelope. "It's supposed to say everything that I couldn't say but now that I'm here I just...can't say anything at all…"

"Yeah, yeah of course…" Ryan said putting the envelope in his pocket.

"See you Ryan…" Anna said giving Ryan a hug.

"Thanks for teaching me how to waltz…" Ryan said with a smile.

"You have the best life…you deserve it…" Anna said sighing.

"If you're ever back here, you can come and stay with me in my pad…" Ryan said trying to lighten the mood. A small smile crept onto Anna's face.

"Wouldn't miss it...bye Ryan." Anna said turning to leave.

"Bye…" Ryan said watching her go.

He turned back to the party, which meant he stood idly at the side lines, sipping his drink awkwardly. Anna was walking quickly out when she walked into Summer.

"Hey…" Summer said with a smile.

"Hi, just came by to say my goodbyes…my plane leaves soon…" Anna said uneasily.

"You're really leaving…?" Summer said sadness in her voice.

"Yeah……" Anna said looking at the floor.

"Well you might not believe this but...I'm going to miss you." Summer said.

"Ooh what's even more unbelievable is that I'm going to miss you…" Anna said.

"It's pretty unbelievable." Summer said with a laugh.

"Bye Blanch…" Anna said with a smile and a tear.

"See ya Rose…" Summer replied giving Anna a hug. They pull apart and wipe away a tear. "How did Cohen take it?" Summer asked suddenly.

"Ahh, I have to go…" Anna said turning.

"You did say goodbye to him didn't you?" Summer asked taking hold of Anna's arm. Anna turned back around and looked guilty.

"Not really….Ryan has a letter or him…" Anna said looking at the ground.

"Are you leaving because of him…because of us?" Summer asked cautiously.

"What…no…I just miss Pittsburg and everything back home." Anna said turning. "Tell Seth I'm sorry…?" Anna said leaving quickly.

Seth was starting his third champagne, while he idly stood by his grandfather as the photographers snapped away. His thoughts were all muddled, he had thought he had seen Anna but when he looked again she was gone. Maybe the bubbly had more effect on him. Finally his gramps had left him so he slumped in his seat.

Ryan was standing alone by the pool when he felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned around to see someone he had not expected to see Theresa. Suddenly the lights flickered and went out.

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A/N

I'm sooo sorry that took so long, holidays were fun and I had no time to write. Also I'm suffering from writers block. Please note there is some of the conversation n that was not written by me…it's just there too keep this all tied in with the real series. Well hope you like it…please review!


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